My parents are like NPCs and even interact with each other like they are on the most boring, evil possible script. I wonder sometimes how they can keep their masks on that much. It's sad. It's scary sometimes.
I'd say that I was definitely one of those parentified oldest daughters who was the emotional leader in the home, even though I was supposed to be the kid. I was also the scapegoat a lot of the time and would get emotionally manipulated into arguments I would lose and then get whipped for. My brother is about 15 months younger than me and is one of those attention seeker kinds who will pick-pick-pick-pick-pick until there's a reactive abuse response and so I was constantly having to fight with him just for a moment of peace. Right now, he's got me in a position of non-communication while living under the same roof, since I'm obviously crazy for believing in Angels, divine guidance, telepathic communication and such things as I espouse as my reality.
My sister is six years younger than me and got the worst side of me in a time before I was enlightened, and I am sorry for my mistreatment of her in those early years of sharing a bedroom and not knowing any better. She was still the reason I learned empathy to the degree I did. I wish we were closer now, but I understand why she keeps her distance... I'm the black sheep and outlier.
It was like that when we were young too.
When I was probably too old to still love them as much as I did, I'd take my Barbies to the creek. I'd have to walk way out across some gravel hills, a neighboring property that I felt was totally magical, and down to their creek. I loved the creek. It was a hideout for me.
When I was 11 and broke my back, things amped up. I don't know if one would describe the changes that happened after that as shamanic awakening or what, but I have tried to describe it as a process of becoming more in-tune while also acknowledging my essence as being in more than one world at a time. After I broke my back in the bike accident I spent a lot of time alone in bed, in pain, and I was isolated a lot with my pain.
As I was returning to school and the world, the pain and my perceptions made things different. I had been plagued by the idea that I could have broken my neck that November day at the Boy Scout camp when I wrecked the bike.. it stayed with me that I could have died that day. Years later, my guides related to me that there was a timeline where I died and that I had survived because of Purpose and that I had chosen to return, even knowing and forgetting everything.
I had a sense that I was living in two worlds at the same time, this one and a spirit world. It was weird, and I really didn't have anyone to talk to about it. My friend Holly probably heard about it a time or two, but it's not like something that is all that pervasive as a concern. The worlds are really closer than we are taught to think all the time. I'm even still learning how tightly they are bound 33 years later, and discovering ways of interacting with the nearness and programming of spiritual significance in all matter around me as a guided shaman all the time.
I was also struggling with depression. It occurs to me that I might even have related this story to this blog another time, but it felt like something to revisit today and so here I am. I'm perhaps struggling not to fall into depression in my current circumstances, but at least now I can call a hottie on my cell phone and think naughty things for a while to have a break.
As a kid, though. I did the most natural thing there was and went walking in the woods. I don't have that same child-style openness and hope that by reviewing this memory again that some more of that might come back. The trees speak. The aura on trees is beautiful and colorful and auras rise around forests and plants. I see colors and the air takes on a shimmer of something that I can see and sense. I've discovered in recent times that if a plant feel significant and I look it up, there's some medicinal properties or importance. I knew these kinds of things as a kid and laughed it off like it was some imagination, and now I know I know.
When trees speak, they have an unbothered sense of time. When humans are rushing around, thing to thing, going and going, trees stand and wait for a whole season to pass before they do anything too interesting about it. We live day to day. They live season to season. So learning from them to live by the seasons is such a thing one might like to have a conversation with a tree about.
Having a tree speak to you is like waiting for someone to speak slow and not say a whole lot, but the kernel of wisdom in the thing is usually spot on for whatever is going on, even if it wouldn't seem like a thing a tree could explain. They have these kinds of wisdom.
Talking to a tree is good. You can say anything and everything and not worry that the tree is going to judge. It doesn't have anything against anything as long as you are holding with truth. Even if you are lying, it's not likely that the tree will call you on it, except that wisdom it shares is usually aligned with good health and love and the cycles of life as being natural and fleeting, even if they are around for hundreds of years compared to our brief lives.
Being open to the conversations with trees was my primer for becoming a telepath. If I hadn't had the trees to talk to, knowing it's alright to talk to entities outside myself out loud and expressing my voice that way, it's possible I might not have learned how at all. When you're hemmed in by family that doesn't get it about being a spirit walking in and out of a body at the same time, being real is harder than hard. The trees get it. They even understand that they are spectral and part of the whole. They even get it that they are bound in cycles with all of the elements. They get it that they are living and charged with life to stand over a spot for as long as that life might last, and they also get it that they might be more useful as firewood or to build houses or as weapons while not judging these things by the human concepts of good and bad. They know they are, and they know their potential.
Trees don't relate the same as humans. And so I had learned to relate with beings I could see that were also relating in ways that was other than human.
Relating with objects, locations, energy combinations in spells, lists of energies on pages or in whole books, understanding these as communicating a thing through spiritual forces would have been held up except for the way I had started with trees.
When people have come to me in spiritual crisis, one of the first things I tell them is to go sit barefoot by a tree and tell it everything and wait to see if anything fresh comes to mind. I'm probably overdue for tree-therapy if I'm even writing it out this far. Maybe it will be warm soon and I can go sit in the creek for some, myself.
As my understanding of my guide Andy Pi's instruction to "Live Like You're In A Dream" continues to unfold as a thing I'm doing in "ordinary reality" or as I consider it "Middle Earth" -- these early training elements I had started from childhood make more sense. I was always headed here.
I interact with lots of channels. I'm so far into channeling that I barely even have to raise my awareness in a certain direction before I get tingles, pressure, recognition of my interest in having some message relayed from my higher mind, no longer sub-conscious but Super Conscious.
When I was young, I was a poet and would write from a build-up in what I considered my subconscious, a part of my mind that would collect such feelings or ideas until it was time to express. I had practiced channeling without even knowing that was a thing I was learning to do. Some of these practices and training had come so naturally to me that I didn't even recognize how often I was doing them. Now, I am aware, but I'm not trying to control it.
I made a list a while back of a bunch of Jedi Abilities, and I've done all those ones -- but I also don't always take charge of how they work as powers so much as acknowledge them as abilities. My Higher Self and guides advise me more closely now as a mature person who chooses and expresses wishes for such times and things. Even if I had such things as powers, I would want the guidance and the attendance of guardians and support of my Collective and Spirit Team. We are doing something special, but it's my turn to be the Vessel.
Anyone who thinks there's some trick happening that I can talk about such things casually in a blog or ease such grand sounding roles as Enlightened Buddha-Christ into conversation or branding or as an element of myself when these have been propagandized to be so elusive and difficult would be stepping right over a lifetime of training and difficulties I've traversed to possess the kind of confidence it takes to overcome every obstacle of doubt that it could even happen to me.
But I know I died and came back. I've also run right into more close calls than any regular person should be able to walk away from. There's something more happening with me and I know that I know. People who spend time with me and even have a sparkle of this Source Connection can also tell, and I'm not scared of the truth about my start, my path, and my truth. I'm the Light.
I'm having a hard time getting this channeled message to help me spit out the fun parts of my journey, memories of these times I skip past, like the close calls. Probably it's because a lot of these adventures were stupid, dangerous, would look like coincidences if there weren't so many of them, personal and private because they would have been dangerous for me to share with unsupportive ones in my periphery at the time. Include people I'm no longer in contact with or want to remember so clearly.
My memory sometimes is crystal clear, I get whole body visceral memories, the kind I probably need these writing projects and the trees and all the teams to release so I can go on to my next level of elevation.
I want to talk about the Angels telling me I was ascending and my rebirth and the times I gave myself a parade. I want to talk about the aliens sending energy-ringers of people I loved to comfort me and teach me things pointedly that might or might not sound like a ton of trouble in a half-ton sack.
I'm working on it. My heart knows it's time to tell y'all and that I have waited so long to even get this far into sharing my love of myself and my faith in My Path and Message.
Could I really be the foretold Buddha? I'm a Buddha.. I wear all the crowns. I'm the Queen of Everything. I get these reminders all the time and it still seems like such a silly child fantasy in the scheme of a world where making any of these kinds of claims is instantly discounted as a reason to medicate. If I'm going to be able to walk the walk, I'm going to have to do it as one who is seen and heard.
Am I still in hiding because I'm scared? My fears stalling my progress with or without conscious intention? By all the rights, there were times when I was and should have been terrified, but some of these changes I've gone through over the years have eased me into knowledge and abilities that I know I'm going to handle with flourish and finesse.
My guides say again: Just wait. Something is coming.
.jpg)
.jpeg)
No comments:
Post a Comment