Gonzo Mythmaking: Dreaming Inside the Internet

I dreamed I was in a house with Charles, and Adam was also there, and the house was messy and full of stuff and I was trying to talk to him about our relationship and he was playing a video game and wouldn’t listen to me. It wasn’t our house. It was a different house. I was there in the kitchen and the whole house was messy, junky and stuff all piled up around on the floors.

I kept telling him. It’s because of narcissism that he can’t hear me that he has to put down all his ideals and let me be real and was telling him that the real problem had started 3 years ago. I told him that I could see some of our problems had started around polyamory. But the timeframe of 3 years ago is very important.

He was playing a video game on a TV like on a game console instead of his computer. He had his back to me a lot. He was pouty and angry about how things had gone, but he wasn’t willing to explore those with me or to talk about starting fresh or any kind of thing.

I was telling him that he had been my best friend and that I felt the loss of a best friend.

There was a part where he and I were facing each other, but I can’t remember what we were saying during that time. He mostly had his back to me while I was there.

My brother just got a new TV in this world.

Then, there was a helpful spirit, a black girl there, she was pretty and felt familiar, like an old friend who was visiting. She was talking to me, and we were sharing things, but I’m having trouble remembering what they were, friendly, important, She reminded me of a spiritual advisor from facebook.

Adam didn’t say anything. He came through a few times with an air of quiet and concern.

She was playing things on a TV in another room that was on a wall, and there was music. And we were sharing some things on there like a song, music, but I don’t remember what kind of music she was wanting me to hear, that didn’t come out of the dream to remember. I remember I wasn’t paying very close attention to it. It felt like a different house than when I was talking to Charles.

I felt like anyplace I went was mine to do in as I chose, like in the first place, I could mess around in the kitchen, and in the second house that was also the first house, I was in the living room and it felt like a different living room.

I was standing in a parking lot. And she had come out of the house, like a row house or an apartment we were in before. I’m not sure what I was doing outside, but I was out.

She came up and said she was going to try and get some food and I told her I’d go with her. The parking lot was to a shopping center that I was pretty sure usually has a grocery store, but everything seemed dark.

I told her there was something nearby. So, we were walking over to a place to get food and I almost stopped her because I had been there before and it was really a Middle Eastern strip club that didn’t serve food, and there was a wedding venue across the street that is also a restaurant, and it was closed. So there wasn’t any food to find right there. There were a couple of Middle Eastern guys who stood on a platform porch near the door. I think she went inside anyway, but I’m not sure if she had a stayed. I had sorta felt she would nope out.

But then I was in a car driving a guy around some town, and we were going somewhere. He didn’t seem like Charles. It was a different guy. We weren’t talking about where we were going so much. He was intrigued to the way things happen with so much synchronicity and that we weren’t somewhere where a TV could tell us something strangely right on time. And I laughed and turned on the radio. The van was like my van I had, a Toyota Sienna, and there was a song playing, but I don’t remember what it was.

About that time, the road got weird. It’s like it was built out of the wrong materials and it was lifted up on wood between buildings, and with little gaps at the edges when the wood was showing. Then there was a mat added and it was like driving on mats of some kind. And then the mats and cushions got deeper, but I kept driving on them because they were on the path in front of me, and the road was only one-car wide, and I was suspicious of the edges, and tried to stay right in the middle because there wasn’t much room, and high walls all around, and maybe like brick walls, and kept going, and then there was a ramp up, and I drove right up it a steep ramp and then it leveled off, but there was another platform of road above us now, and as I was going under the higher platform, there came out some Asian ladies and they said this was where you could get an Asian massage and told us that’s what this area was really for, and I kinda felt like that’s what the guy wanted, but I didn’t know if I wanted one and I was worried about paying for Asian massage because I usually don’t have money of my own lately. And then the anxious feeling I’ve been getting lately woke me up.

I was thinking about saying yes to the massage anyway. These were Chinese ladies who were offering the massage, and they seemed friendly. I could look down into a warehouse kind of area from up there and see that there were a lot of these levels going, and metal folding chairs. And I was aware of the platform above us. And There was a lady on each side of the “road” and the bedding-depth mats seemed like they made sense in here, but not as roads. But also the road had been continuous from a road and no signs not to drive ahead.

I had sorta woke up one time in the middle maybe and questioned whether I had taken  my insulin last night or not, and I knew I had and told the voice to leave me alone that I knew I did and to stop trying to scare me. And then went back to sleep again. I have been having a repeat body sensation in my chest, Close to my heart-center (not the organ), and between my empathy center, which his my solar plexus, and my heart center.. but it’s not my heart-center.

When I came into the living room it was 1:40 p.m., and there was a report happening on a news channel on the TV about Elon Musk messing up some systems. And now the game show “Let’s Make A Deal is On”  -- but I didn’t want new words to come into my mind while I was trying to remember the dream/s and have headphones playing meditation music so I can also go without hearing my mom’s coughing as loudly.

My first wake-up today had me check my phone at exactly 10:10 a.m., and I had been dreaming a thing that I only remember a little bit about. It was a bunch of grassy hills with patchy grass. The grass in patches is important. It’s like they planted the grass that way, but between the grass is a lot of little dirt trails that are getting used. It reminded me of the sort of trails inside an anthill that go in any direction but then loop back onto themselves but make a kind of sense. The patches aren’t doing anything to stop the trails. I had a sense that we were not outside, even with all the pretty big hills around. There didn’t seem to be anything growing on the hills except the grass patches that had been planted, but dirt showed between.