Journey: Transmuting Fears of Martyrdom

I shouldn't use the word Obviously here, but When You Surrender To The Path, You Don't Get To Change Your Mind About It. 

I guess that's why Spirit/God/Source/The Universe -- You have to know that you know that you're signing up for the rest of your life, you have to be ready to give your total all, and you don't get to quit. 

I'm really not sure how many times I made that decision. 

Timelines be Paradigming

Meanwhile, my life is full of times I had to face the idea of the Ultimate Sacrifice, not just in the idea that I could get killed by even telling people I exist -- and especially if I was able to command these miracles down to the moment as I imagine is a thing I'll probably be able to do later since powers are a thing that grow in like muscles. 

I've been up and down Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. I've been to Athens, Georgia... on a mission of chance when my homegirl needed to pick up a van from her father-in-law who just happened to be there. I've also been to Memphis. 

I've been to Loretta Lynn's Ranch and Pigeon Forge. When you're Dolly Parton, you're you, and you're the show. You are yourself, and you're real. You're also in the spotlight for anyone who may see you anytime. 

I developed my Terri Contrary (Side) in a rebellious mood and decided that if I was going to have to sacrifice my anonymity and be in some kind of spotlight, that I'd at least get to make up who I am as different anytime I want. I'm not all against being a charicature of myself anytime, cause some of these Gonzo Shaman roleplays are for sure like playing the cartoon version of myself. When I'm being my most whimsical self, I also love feeling like a cartoon and like my inner-child is happier not to have to try about being a stupid old grownup with all these standards and critiques. 

The first song I ever wanted to learn on guitar was "Imagine" by John Lennon. I was guided on my adventure in New York by the Spirit of Robin Williams, who showed me where to take naps in the lightbulb closet at 30 Rock. I was homeless in Shreveport and crossed Elvis Presley Blvd. daily.. oh again -- I went to Graceland in Memphis. 

Plus there is always Jesus, not just hanging there but suffering on a cross. No interpretation of the crucifix will convince me that doesn't mean that giving your whole life to God means being willing to go through anything that God might have for you. Also, I think it's a warning from the church, just trying to scare people out of pursuing being a Christ. 

Of course I can tell if they are Enlightened just from looking. Definitely there are SOOOO MANY! Looking at you Snoop Dogg, David Tenet, and Justin Trudeau. 

I've been addressed from Spirit over the concepts and prospects of martyrdom so many times on my journey through this life that it barely has a light side of it to bring up at all. I was told that I give my whole life, and that it can look any way I want. That I can be like Keanu Reeves and still take the subway, that I can take a break and come back like John Stewart, that I may have times I'm swarmed with followers like the Dalai Lama. And I couldn't think that any of the stardom sounded fun enough to choose the whole-life deal. But then they reminded me how late of a start I'm getting and to trust them about having a hidey-hole to dive back in for rest, reset, writing, and reading. 

I was confronted about the idea that I might say or do something politically wild enough to go to jail. I'm at my family's house to write all these things, which is almost like being in jail, but I did try jail for a few weeks and it's not for me. So I hope we never have to go back about it. Meanwhile, if I have to face such a thing on my path because I Surrendered to the Path -- then I'll be seeing all my Spirit Team in there with me, cause I don't go through any of these things alone. 

Some people are born into fates like these. Destinies written before they are born. After seeing my life layed out like an algorithm I couldn't even screw up, it's a little hard not to believe in the constructs of fate, destiny, prophesy and such alignments as these happening with someone who has their life designed around a Purpose So Big they can't even wiggle in the middle of it without making the kind of ripples everyone else can feel somehow. 

Paradigm: This world is FULL of Enlightened Beings Right Now

Before I could talk about all these things like this, I had to go through being Terrified of Becoming. I've been hiding my whole life. Even this week I've been practicing how to self-deprecate to get along with my mom so that she will hear me being lowly and not add any additional insults. Even this week I've been wearing my clothes with all the food stains on the front and not trying in the least to be fancy. My life has had ups and down in self-esteem, external validations, straight-up degradation, etc. Ups and downs enough for me to watch them waving at me like some frequency on a theme. 

I had to be Terrified of Being Noticed by Demons 

I had to be Terrified of Losing my Authenticity to the Role

I had to be Terrified of Being Cast as the Devil in someone else's narrative

I had to be Terrified of Being Persecuted

I had to be Terrified of Other Creators Imagining my life for me

I had to be Terrified of Being Locked Up and Tortured

I had to be Terrified of Being Beaten and Degraded

I had to be Terrified of Having My Message Stolen and Perverted

And then... Over it. Better. Recovered. Not too scared to find out if I have to pay some price for the wisdom, enlightenment, opportunity to share The Message of Messages. Understanding that the work is more important than one chubby ole girl who found out in just one lifetime. All the bravery and none of the worry. Transmuting things by feeling them, allowing myself to let them roll in and roll out. And then facing right into the possibilities that it's coming or even the possibilities that I might be totally bullet-proof, death-proof. Honestly, as much as I love being in the spirit realms, death is a welcome idea -- I'm just not allowed to do suicide to find out. 

Blah -- And I had to wake up every time to the truth that I'm Terri Contrary Queen of Everything, and all of that was mostly just in my head. Yeah, I lived through some of all that so far... not The Ultimate Sacrifice on this timeline yet, but who knows about tomorrow. 

What would you do if you knew you could not fail? 

The question that follows me up the path and back down again. 

I'd keep going and say any dumb kind of thing, even if it's only good to cheer up Jim Cary on a rainy day.