Getting Discovered and Outed as a Mystic is the Worst Idea Ever

 Getting discovered and outed as a Mystic is the worst idea ever.

But I'm in love with doing all my worst ideas 

Evidence to the affirmative: I'm living at my original family's house after walking away from my home, husband, car, ID, and kitty cat just a year ago. 

Yeah, OK, I had been training with my angels and guides to be a shaman for a few years at that point. Whether I realized I was being trained or not. Also, some of these training sessions were the real-deal and fairly intense, so if you see me get serious about my physical health soon there might be something spiritual I'm gonna actually need stamina for. 

I wonder sometimes when I write projections like that if I'm not automatic writing myself a schedule so I can get ready or at least have something to hold onto, even if it's just a vitamin-soaked towel. 

Sometimes I wonder how long it will be before someone who would even know what to do with someone like me Just Shows Up. I need to be tested as a genius. I need to be tested under different states of drug use. I need to be witnessed in a way that the results can be shared with The Collective, and I'm choking on the part where I know who to share this writing with. Who wants it? 

Everyone who knows they are brilliant can see the other brilliant ones and jumps right into being another great message that rises up through the ranks by importance or popularity. I just can't imagine myself in there. It's not that I think I'm so much better than people that I don't want to put the work in. I put work in everyday and all the time as a Shaman. An ounce of my attention in this world is a gallon of miracles and every emotion I wring out of me is alchemy to the peoples and planets. Only sometimes I forget that and live like a regular lady who just found out. 

I forget and find out all the time. 

I want to be handled carefully. I want to be invited. I want to be shown into that world by an escort of other wise gurus who can see me as myself and not as the self I'm all too ready to leave behind. I want to be able to show my serious side and funny side all at the same time. I want to join discussions with other healers and visionaries and enlightened ones. I want to keep training where people can encourage me and challenge what I've got to grow in ways I hadn't even imagined yet. 

The guides and my spirit team have been really great at showing up as a fan club when I've been low. Getting to see the lookalikes to my heroes along the way has been amazing for that. I've chilled with lots of amazing characters from our age, but probably the most surprising was running into an Osho doppelganger at the gas pumps when I was coming back into New York after trying to run away to Canada as a Refugee because I'm so psychic I can find Nukes and Kids and Gold. But bragging would be the times the Dalai Lama came around as an energy-ringer, another in the consciousness who just wanted to check on me. Or like when I was singing karaoke in Stevie Nicks bar with Winona Judd as the bartender. Anything like that. I love y'all. Sorry, I'm a chicken. 

Along the way, it occurred to me, probably with the help of Tarot On Dex, that some of the reason I kept seeing Celebrity Lookalikes everywhere was because that's where I'm going. If energy rings, the future rings back to whenever, and those more prevalent in the public consciousness carry a more recognizable energy in the sizzle of whenever it gets to you. I was being introduced to a world I was gonna live in so that it wouldn't be too shocking for me if I just ended up there. OK. I'm there. Get me. 

It was also explained to me that I am going to be in the public consciousness at such a level as these, and that having that kind of consciousness means that people who love me later can influence how they arrive in my life early. That I would be another one who is well-known enough to be rippling back into time like any of these and touching them already somehow too. It's not exactly science, and I might be missing it a little in this writing, but I'm sure it is a topic that will come back around. 

Also, I'm in some kind of isolation from ones who might care or want to help me. I send them messages, and I never hear anything back. I even reported on myself with law enforcement for some of the weirdest of shit and never got anything back. If I wake up from this and I'm just 11 or 12 years old and have to live the rest of a life with the kind of memories I've been making on this timeline, at this point, I won't even be a little surprised. I feel like I get acknowledged about as good in this world as a 44-year-old lady as even an 11-year-old kid might... probably the kid wouldn't have all of the same hangups I'm dealing with. 

When I was 8 or 9 years old I wrote in a journal that someday I would have a message to touch millions and billions of people. When I had therapy in my late 30s, I told a psychologist about that, and he asked, "Don't you think that sounds grandiose?" And I said, "No, not especially since we have the internet now." When I was a little girl, I wrote on a piece of blue-lined notebook paper that I would have a message so important that I would have to share it with millions and billions of people. Somehow this is the underlying program to my whole life, a core theme and thread of purpose. 

Y'all should know I talk like I write, and most all of this is just stream of consciousness. It just pours out of me like this. It's easy enough since it's me and mine, but isn't there something incredible about it? Being something or someone interesting enough for all these things? I live in here with a neverending creativity. 

Probably I rehearsed these conversations without realizing. I love my *Subconscious* which I turn loose on things and then don't get too creative about with intention. Turning it loose on my emotions, feeling pregnant with a poem, writing a whole lot of Raw Like This into some Verses while I was driving down the road in a Collection Phase, getting out of the shower to write something down, honoring things it brings me. Even when we are petty or harsh or critical over judgements, or even when we are having romantic fantasies. I've got a rich world inside me all the time. 

Hermit Mystics getting Outed is probably something that happens every day, but I know the day it's my turn is going to do something so beautiful no one will even try to describe it. 

Come on Mr. Wizard. Let me out of my lamp!!