Paradigm: Political Shamanism & Me

I'm not sure when I realized that claiming being a shaman meant the same as saying I intended to be political. This question has been a big part of me being a hermit for much of my life and deciding not to pursue bigger audiences or people offering necessary paradigms to those who might choose to sign on. I like all the versions. Creation, destruction, transformation, design and redesign, anything important is likely to bump into anything else important. 

I can tend to be fairly emotional around ideals and wish for anything, but even if I have a ton of signs they won't be pointing at the thing until the thing is there to see. 

One of my Shaman Campaigns was as Terri Contrary Governor 2040, and the Terri Contrary Grassroots Runaway Van plan for explaining inexpensive ways to raise one's health and wellness as an excuse to have women meeting up in small towns to talk about running for offices as an excuse to talk about values. I had been feeling pretty successful in the days these visions arrived. I think I got just excited enough about them to change some shit on Facebook and set it to simmer on the back burner like most things.

The Terri Contrary Governor 2040 Campaign was my original Tinder profile while looking for a campaign manager and shopping for Indians on the dating apps. I was in messy territory, but it was Covid and I was feeling bored. Whether or not I look out and around for things to pass the time is a mood. I like arts and crafts just about as much as hearing sad stories. I'm gonna be ready for my near enough day to be done with sad stories. And between times I'll step it up to sing the blues. There's a dream in me to sing the blues in its cradle of vibes. 

Another time, I think I gave "Participant Witness" as my employment on Tinder and was really feeling like my presence had changed. I even got picked on by boys on Tinder for having that as my profession enough to remember it as some element of amused collective was giving me some shit while not making it be too much to make me wanna stop putting things out there. Probably I've made a huge mess of me by being a lil too open a lil too quick about things most people wait to wheel out, and probably some of  my lack of defenses has been just the kind of thing the person I was with needed to see. 

Shaman training is pretty much any kind of roleplay or scene of life. Are you the director and actor? Main character or background? Telling your story back to yourself counts as being a library and I'm very in love with mine. When I had a house with my ex, I had a Pussy Library, a room that was full of books and painted two shades of my pussy from the Lowes Home Improvement, half in Very Cherry and the other half in Pretty in Pink. When I was leaving on my shaman journey, the angel that guided me said, "Don't worry, we'll rebuild the library." And I was so sad to think of losing my library that I quipped back, "Of Alexandria?!"

I guess there were some moments that make it make sense. Like finding out the no-name cassette I had played over and over was Bob Marley as a 10-year-old and then finding out Bob Marley's biopic was the most advertised movie happening when I was lost in New York City 30 years later. One of my lovers seeming especially surprised over me having Bob Marley on the data card in my Volkswagen Beetle that I drove around like an urban legend but had to trade for my lesson. And with all this, I never slowed down long enough to watch the movie. 

That day I had made up my mind to make some kind of report to the authorities about my concerns of mine and public safety even with more of a story than evidence. So the data card was queued up to play Mission Impossible like right as I started the car.

I've found over and over that my biggest fears were really that it doesn't matter if you tell people you're in trouble. There have been some who I've felt heard me going through a spiritual and mental crisis and expressed confidence in me getting my business in order to make having a message with authentic delivery my best offer. Then showed me in lots of ways that I was in-tune with a higher mind and have helped me as a peer by offering morale, since hope was the only thing happening in all the environments. Bonus to this is all the stories and visions that seem to keep coming true all around me and right on time. 

Knowing just enough to get pointed in a better direction does not get you on the whole path. 

The way I'm annoyed about The Voice being on because I have a precious voice I have never figured out how to use. How can there not have been someone looking for me? The mere possession of something like this voice is wowing me all the time. But then, I have a wish to be more anonymous about my light. I am somehow choosing this version of world by not wanting to get lost in some howl of fandom just to get lost between people who are also, mostly got it good enough to tell about. 

I had a horrible time trying to be an independent photographer and pricing my work. I have been struggling over the concepts of money for a while and feel like my misunderstanding of it is about to get solved. I need a Sugar Daddy who likes creative women who are a bit of a project but knows I'm the best possible companion for a healing journey. Some of telling the Terri Contrary story of success in all the ways I had been healing myself was part of that, but I never felt like I was good enough at change to share it out. I could see the only hurdle in front of me was believing in my story enough to say I want to inspire others, and then I could share stories in the company of people who are healing and healers of self and others. So, I'm not trying to hide that I'm a project. 

I've been working on myself for too long not to know. 

I'm a legacy of great questions. 

You gotta imagine being shown the kind of life of fame, fortune, anything being possible, no barriers to happiness, walking through to a place where any possible dream would be fulfilled as long as there were loose expectations and professed to be in the highest good. That invoking The Highest Good even does a thing to the aesthetic of the design to feel more real and also tighter between the frequencies on the brighter side of things. And buying it, even in  my imagination. That there's a version of me in here that needed to imagine it and also to imagine that I was preparing for being something special to it, even into seeing the dopplegangers of my favorite artists and inspirations so that I'd be a little less star struck if I just got hauled off to being something like famous. 

And for whatever reason, I have had enough confidence in my crazy being for something bigger than myself, even when I'm not very sure what that part means. 

Some of my visions are totally for making sure we demand a world of improvements for people who are getting squeezed on labor, raising prices, difficulty in finding agreeable housing, and lots of people becoming aware of their job needing to be more human while their job has been redundant and unfulfilling for too long. Some of them are for people to get scrambled up about all the wrong conversations about how problems get solved by some genius concoction of expression of truth and authenticity. 

Some of the Governor 2040 Campaign is about getting to spread a platform with the slogan, "Laws that are good for my Honeys" and when people would ask who are my Honeys, I'd say the working class people who are getting squeezed. When I'd get asked why it was a 20-year campaign... I'd say I was a poor lady so it would take me longer. It was the Merch element of Grassroots Runaway with political branding and slogans and such. It was a tongue-in-cheek campaign to tell women to run for office. I wanted to host an open mic for women around my Grassroots Runaway presentations on old-timey ways to get a community back to thriving, the cycle of abuse, nutrition and growing food, encouragement to learn about herbal healing and to be a self-experiment. 

It was about the same time as these visions I was confronted by the idea that I might be some kind of prophesy. "Don't you remember there was a prophesy that the next buddha was to come from Western Womanhood?" Well I didn't for sure remember such a thing, but after I planned several books over several questions about the relationship between Western Womanhood and Buddhism in the span of a half-hour, and then landed with the revelation of "If I'm teaching all of that stuff I'll be fulfilling the prophesy." And then promptly deciding it was ridiculous. There have definitely been some times when the idea of embracing an important destiny has a way of making sure you know you could be the total imposter. 

Like when I posted on Facebook that I would be an actress for hire as any kind of imposter, but I was only part joking. One of my lovers of loved foretells had told me one time "You're Real" and another one said "You Really Are A Chameleon." I tell myself I'm studying my own selfies for tells about my mood or looking for memories to get excited about. How much of a chameleon am I? 

I've asked some things for sure. I don't want to do violence. I don't want to talk to well-meaning people like they're stupid for not knowing any better. I don't want people to go bankrupt trying to pay for medical procedures and care. I don't want people going hungry. I don't want people going without housing. I don't want people to have to pay for university education. I don't want mass deportations. I don't want persecution for marginalized communities. I don't want mystery spending while there are people suffering. I don't want things that are directly necessary for having a thriving community to be dependent on private interests and hidden from scrutiny. I don't want people to feel empowered by their hate. I don't want people to be lonely. I don't want people to feel they can't gather in expression. 

Really, a lot of the things I've already seen enough to know I hate them. Strong word. But I like it today. 

The best part of being in a world where different regions have experimented with different ways of interacting as a society is that we can see the examples anytime we want. Y'all think for a minute that somewhere there's not a total model of the moves being made that nobody they're going to affect was invited to see first? 

I want a Woman's Day Parade every March 15 for RGB's birthday. If we are celebrating womanhood in ways other than Mother's Day to enjoy womanhood's past, present, and future. In the middle of Women's History month and if there's an annual date for it, then people know when to plan the one for next year. 

I have fantasies about Ephemera Markets. I think about how much money got spent on sign-making around Covid. 

I do want people to be free to investigate corruption in their local communities. I do want people to feel like there's somewhere to turn for help. I want people to feel like there's a safety net worth a damn. I want people to feel free to pursue being happy through education and exploring nature. I want there to be a smooth transition from a world of labor we are in today to the next world where imagination and creativity are premium. I want to see some of my visions come to light in the best ways. I want a world of respect and love and variety. 

Too much Order is a Disorder. 

Find out how that statement feels for yourself by saying it out loud.