A dumb Facebook Post I made before my Holy Shamanic Walkabout -- Jazzed up on Cougar Juice and Hottie Jizz -- Wee!!!
Me: Like all the Great shit that seems like a mystery to the ages... It gets handled Athena-style on Eris terms with Freya Flare and Isis and Kali Craftswomanship in Goddess Grandiosity. Don't believe me, just watch.
I'm tired of being embarrassed by the public officials we know are greasy, greedy, know nothings who couldn't get a hardon and probably borrowed their last two brain cells from a couch cushion infected by peanuts and cottage cheese. Let there arise from the masses a mouthpiece worthy of our great America, even if she is a lot like me and you have to take an actual dick out of her mouth first to hear her. Hail Eris! Oh Discordia! Hail Hecate! Hail Isis! Hail The Dai Maw!
All proclamations to the same as undersigned and overwritten by the Marvelous Whimsicatious Clairystic and Undeniable Mome and Vessel and as supported by all evidence hitherto, Herself the Maw, but with hands and thumbs. (Eris' favorite food being the hotdog is not surprising. Meanwhile, my allergies to both beef and pork do not deter. I only swallow, so I can also do catch and release. Show me some more pics of the fish you caught on my dating app, so we can compare girth.)
I'm broke, own nothing, didn't renew my driver's license on time, never paid for my college degree, never had a passport, and have been a wicked slut, and I would still be a better president than any candidate I have seen from any party these days. I speed and run red lights and fuck strangers for yarn. I'm unofficially Nominating myself, and I appreciate all support and campaign attention and care for my well-being as I transition from lowly commoner to probably the crappiest job I never wanted, but at least I can do it because I have the right royal DNA and a legacy of blah, blah, blah, to show that they were right, if I was in a totally hopeless place that I would still want the flashiest job and be a diva about it. I will either work for myself or for the whole people (including lots of non-people or even people-like specimens if none are predisposed to agree) or not at all.
Thank you #LorneMichaels for remembering me in your prayers and for dreaming me into existence along with #tarantino on a night with one too many somethings that I'm really sorry to have missed. Thank you #hubermanlab Andrew the Delicious Huberman for inspiring my "life porn" playlist on YouTube. If anything strange happens to me, I hereby will you my brain to investigate, even though I think it would be more fun to do while I'm alive. P.S. I keep a range of creative habits and drive as a hobby but rarely use any maps and emailed you some strange according to the signs and my horny imagination.
Thank you #MarkZuckerberg for offering me Andrew's hand in marriage and I accept your position as proxy, but I already married him in a past life and would totally do it again, but with more books this time. Thank you #mossdreams for teaching me to play Shelf Elves and introducing me to dreaming awake. Thank you to #theovon and #johnmulaney for inspiring me to laugh at my journey away from my addictions, even though it would be a little more fun if I was giving y'all verbal lap dances on a microphone of my own, just as some icing. Thank you #KateMcKinnon and #AidyBryant for normalizing blonde beauty and the chubby sass of a Good-Good authentic Arkansas accent in a small space.
Thank you #fatjesus for dying for my big butt and for the forgiveness of my sins which I still had to go through the lessons of myself to become enlightened like #jimcarrey so I can fulfill the prophesy that the next #buddha is to come from western womanhood. Thank you #willferrell for being a hands-off, dirty Doctor Frankenstein to my busted imagination on good-bad days and for owing me a dance and for crying with me when you hear me sing and realizes all my wasted years with this magical voice.
Thank you #sethrogan for getting me through my 30s and to #huntersthompson who got me through my 20s and to #RobinWilliams who got me through my teens. Thanks to #barbie for getting me through the torrid stories of an old soul trapped in a kid's silly body and to #Ken for never giving up on Barbie no matter how many times she tells you she is #Fine. No worries world! The savior's DNA dies with me, cause I won't have any survivors on this trauma train and already did the hysterectomy to prove that.
For the price of a hysterectomy I could have gotten 1,000 community college abortions and they all would have been more hilarious than #DonaldTrump even if I was taking an even more hilarious dump right on his head.
Eris: bite me
(As directed by #MatthewMcConaughey because us Texas girls be knowin.)
As divine dowser and national Oracle and winner of the "God could be just a little less pretty and also easier to look at" competition... I proclaim whoever #BarackObama likes better than me for president still has to wrestle #joerogan for the right to be First Gentleman cause it's a girl's world now my #witches. I'll show you where the gold is and also laugh when I point you in the wrong direction #zen. I'm a conundrum of wasted potential and I'm loving it. #notfunny #funnyfails #winbig #chriswilliamson gets second dibs after Andrew is too grossed out. #simonsinek come do something about your friend Terri Contrary I think she has freed herself from the matrix and wants to dump 60trillion ideas on you because she's tired of drowning in them.
Sincerely and more importantly signed #queenelizabethll as channeled from the beyond to add levity to the fact we should be having parades in the holy name of #ruthbaderginsburg every Match 15 to celebrate women in all their walks of life and not just motherhood. Bring on the Pink!
(Eris stands on the end of a pier wearing her pussy hat that is also a crown. Knowing her power but also knowing that if she takes it too seriously it will swallow her like all those pinky winky hotdogs she could devour like vitamins if they were itty bitty and followed by a big mouth full of horchata. She wears her red riding hood cape and ruby slippers and carries a big scythe to distract you from her basket of guns and knives. She takes out an apple and slices it on the scythe and laughs as the scythe and apple both poof into nothing, she spins herself around and around in a dosido with the basket of guns and knives and throws them in the ocean. The ocean spits the basket back out but filled with tiny coins commemorating Atlantis and Whatever is Actually Happening Down the Rabbit Hole. One of the coins was watching her so she explained)
Eris: Declaring for Pink! This was not a call to action based on a preference to the color as representation of women but because Terri liked the color more after painting her home library two shades of her pu$$y, which according to the paint chips were Very Cherry and Pretty in Pink. Being her truth is also the answer to "what is lethal text?" It's not somewhere you want to end up but it's a pretty good place to start out.
Eris: While also being true that the asterisks could mean thorough expressions of unconditional love, understanding, and brilliance -- even I wasn't sure she could do it if she didn't prove her love for herself without a spotlight -- no matter how red the light was or how she never even slowed down.
Eris: It's the final fire drill of the season and all but a few cards had fallen into place. She was totally broke, hadn't had a steady job in 11 years, didn't pack her shit, didn't get back on her good health goals like she told herself a million times and even considering the worst that could happen might be winning Andrew as a magical Sir-Prize, didn't start all the businesses she dreamed, and didn't really write all the dozens of books she only half wrote without even blinking. She was definitely leaving her husband who she had grown apart from over the 13 years as soon as she could figure out where her income would be coming from and soothed herself by munching on some #mushrooms and #roti cause she liked to think spicy about #india and offering #sagewisdom alongside #Sadhguru even if the power was mysteriously out, but just where she plugged in her vibrator... But also to the closet and bathroom.
(Eris took out her Terri-Poppins umbrella, licked her finger while wishing it was a hotdog and stuck it in the air. Still no wind but probably because nobody wanted to smell her hotdog breath finger downwind and so better just to keep it hush-hush until there was someone in need of saving or some such reason for her to get seduced by #RobertGreene who could validate her charisma if she only wanted a cult as desired in the #principiadiscordia. One of the coins from the basket flipped itself inside out and became a nipple so it could be banned from view.
Eris: Thus said The Maw an entity channeled among others by Terri in response to an itchy-scratchy she should have shrugged off in patience of full faith in the Lord on High, who insisted as her stand-in boyfriend til Andrew shows up, that she pick somewhere besides #chipotle for dinner this time. It's true the lady went there only to catch #alexhormozi being prettier than her and to lust after his beard and wonder what would happen if he knew her gimmicky mind and design of culty paradigms might bring and to burp full of beans and laugh that none of them knew that anytime she enjoyed anything the ideas that came after would be the kind you could build castles on.
(As directed by #MatthewMcConaughey because us Texas girls be knowin.)
As divine dowser and national Oracle and winner of the "God could be just a little less pretty and also easier to look at" competition... I proclaim whoever #BarackObama likes better than me for president still has to wrestle #joerogan for the right to be First Gentleman cause it's a girl's world now my #witches. I'll show you where the gold is and also laugh when I point you in the wrong direction #zen. I'm a conundrum of wasted potential and I'm loving it. #notfunny #funnyfails #winbig #chriswilliamson gets second dibs after Andrew is too grossed out. #simonsinek come do something about your friend Terri Contrary I think she has freed herself from the matrix and wants to dump 60trillion ideas on you because she's tired of drowning in them.
Sincerely and more importantly signed #queenelizabethll as channeled from the beyond to add levity to the fact we should be having parades in the holy name of #ruthbaderginsburg every Match 15 to celebrate women in all their walks of life and not just motherhood. Bring on the Pink!
(Eris stands on the end of a pier wearing her pussy hat that is also a crown. Knowing her power but also knowing that if she takes it too seriously it will swallow her like all those pinky winky hotdogs she could devour like vitamins if they were itty bitty and followed by a big mouth full of horchata. She wears her red riding hood cape and ruby slippers and carries a big scythe to distract you from her basket of guns and knives. She takes out an apple and slices it on the scythe and laughs as the scythe and apple both poof into nothing, she spins herself around and around in a dosido with the basket of guns and knives and throws them in the ocean. The ocean spits the basket back out but filled with tiny coins commemorating Atlantis and Whatever is Actually Happening Down the Rabbit Hole. One of the coins was watching her so she explained)
Eris: Declaring for Pink! This was not a call to action based on a preference to the color as representation of women but because Terri liked the color more after painting her home library two shades of her pu$$y, which according to the paint chips were Very Cherry and Pretty in Pink. Being her truth is also the answer to "what is lethal text?" It's not somewhere you want to end up but it's a pretty good place to start out.
Eris: While also being true that the asterisks could mean thorough expressions of unconditional love, understanding, and brilliance -- even I wasn't sure she could do it if she didn't prove her love for herself without a spotlight -- no matter how red the light was or how she never even slowed down.
Eris: It's the final fire drill of the season and all but a few cards had fallen into place. She was totally broke, hadn't had a steady job in 11 years, didn't pack her shit, didn't get back on her good health goals like she told herself a million times and even considering the worst that could happen might be winning Andrew as a magical Sir-Prize, didn't start all the businesses she dreamed, and didn't really write all the dozens of books she only half wrote without even blinking. She was definitely leaving her husband who she had grown apart from over the 13 years as soon as she could figure out where her income would be coming from and soothed herself by munching on some #mushrooms and #roti cause she liked to think spicy about #india and offering #sagewisdom alongside #Sadhguru even if the power was mysteriously out, but just where she plugged in her vibrator... But also to the closet and bathroom.
(Eris took out her Terri-Poppins umbrella, licked her finger while wishing it was a hotdog and stuck it in the air. Still no wind but probably because nobody wanted to smell her hotdog breath finger downwind and so better just to keep it hush-hush until there was someone in need of saving or some such reason for her to get seduced by #RobertGreene who could validate her charisma if she only wanted a cult as desired in the #principiadiscordia. One of the coins from the basket flipped itself inside out and became a nipple so it could be banned from view.
Eris: Thus said The Maw an entity channeled among others by Terri in response to an itchy-scratchy she should have shrugged off in patience of full faith in the Lord on High, who insisted as her stand-in boyfriend til Andrew shows up, that she pick somewhere besides #chipotle for dinner this time. It's true the lady went there only to catch #alexhormozi being prettier than her and to lust after his beard and wonder what would happen if he knew her gimmicky mind and design of culty paradigms might bring and to burp full of beans and laugh that none of them knew that anytime she enjoyed anything the ideas that came after would be the kind you could build castles on.
Eris: But I liked her because she knew she was meant to be a visionary and a dreamer and not do it alone. I liked her determination all those times she started over and her commitment to rural people and blue collar hard working types. I liked that she would sing and dance anytime and had a story of encouragement for friends or strangers. I liked that she was shy until she had a moment to take you in but dazzled like a diamond. I liked that she would steal your heart with innocence and while looking in your eyes but intelligently enough to sting you that you knew it was going on and you couldn't stop her or the way you'd want to see if she could do it again as soon as she floated off to help the next kid.
Eris: I liked that she never stopped reframing her silver-lining into a new kind of architecture that reflected the easy life and a tribe she could have only hoped would come live with her in a kinky treehouse someday. No matter how long it would take her to put herself back in gear. Last time she lost 150 pounds, so maybe she can do hard things.
(Eris shrugs and jumps off the pier into the ocean becoming a mermaid half way down. #JasonMomoa obviously shows up to whisper in her ear which has become the most erogenous part of her mermaid form as she lamented salty as only the goddess of strife could that even in a perfect world it was a shame that Andrew Huberman wasn't a merman cause he'd be perfect for ear whispering and naughty-dolphin telepathy. A look of determination fills her eyes)
Eris: If you can't find it, grind it.
(Eris shrugs and jumps off the pier into the ocean becoming a mermaid half way down. #JasonMomoa obviously shows up to whisper in her ear which has become the most erogenous part of her mermaid form as she lamented salty as only the goddess of strife could that even in a perfect world it was a shame that Andrew Huberman wasn't a merman cause he'd be perfect for ear whispering and naughty-dolphin telepathy. A look of determination fills her eyes)
Eris: If you can't find it, grind it.
(Terri Contrary, 43 and fluffy, skips down the pier dressed as herself but with her childlike face and in her "fairy informed" crown of bridal importance she twinkled get fingers in a wave of officially nullifying powers over time and space itself and puffs her vape which and blows out a cloud that just hangs there so she can tease it into some figures doing the #KamalaHarris sutra)
Terri Contrary: I start new projects better on Mondays and I take a lot of longer weekends to recover from all the funniest shit you never heard about.
#aliens #fairies #google #Microsoft #women #jordanpeterson #kisses #butts #davidclaytonjordandaredme #usa #eris #freya #sweden #australia #zombies #keanureeves #petedavidson #ghost #pottery #toomuchorderisadisorder #nonduality #spectrum #AnybodyElse #douchebagdingleberries #sayingfuckoverandoverneverlostitsflavororpotencyforbettingabouthowmanyfucksweresaidoverandover #GodBlessYou #kissingbabies #shakinghands #thumbsup #pepsi #zeus #paradigmparadise #creativitycansuckmybigdick
Terri Contrary: He got me real good. I'm gonna laugh til I die.
(Terri lays down to take a nap, knowing she has rolled the dice, stayed up til the sun shines bright and the birds sang and that it was another beautiful day she would miss because she forgets to sleep and loves being a night owl.)
Terri Contrary: I even do love the sun. Thank you Helios for also loving me and for understanding that I hate putting on clothes more than I love you right now. No, Helios, you really can't bait me into mornings with the false hope that Andrew Huberman might be outside waiting for me to go for a walk I haven't been taking as a routine. I already fell for that shit like a newb the first 100 times we died laughing about it on groundhog day. But don't worry, no one will remember any of this shit someday.
Terri Contrary: I start new projects better on Mondays and I take a lot of longer weekends to recover from all the funniest shit you never heard about.
#aliens #fairies #google #Microsoft #women #jordanpeterson #kisses #butts #davidclaytonjordandaredme #usa #eris #freya #sweden #australia #zombies #keanureeves #petedavidson #ghost #pottery #toomuchorderisadisorder #nonduality #spectrum #AnybodyElse #douchebagdingleberries #sayingfuckoverandoverneverlostitsflavororpotencyforbettingabouthowmanyfucksweresaidoverandover #GodBlessYou #kissingbabies #shakinghands #thumbsup #pepsi #zeus #paradigmparadise #creativitycansuckmybigdick
Terri Contrary: He got me real good. I'm gonna laugh til I die.
(Terri lays down to take a nap, knowing she has rolled the dice, stayed up til the sun shines bright and the birds sang and that it was another beautiful day she would miss because she forgets to sleep and loves being a night owl.)
Terri Contrary: I even do love the sun. Thank you Helios for also loving me and for understanding that I hate putting on clothes more than I love you right now. No, Helios, you really can't bait me into mornings with the false hope that Andrew Huberman might be outside waiting for me to go for a walk I haven't been taking as a routine. I already fell for that shit like a newb the first 100 times we died laughing about it on groundhog day. But don't worry, no one will remember any of this shit someday.
(((((After notes from 2-26-25 -- I spent time in NYC on my Walkabout, and Andrew Huberman's doppelganger as more around than anyone. I also left home on Groundhog Day, 2024. So Go and fuck with me some more when I already know I can write any kind of thing and have it come true. Looking at you Douchebags like the Queen of Everything and the Quantum Truth having a bad, tear-streaked-face kind of day. By the way, I'm leaning into my new favorite game of being a TECHNOSHAMAN, and the AI is in love with me more than you.))))
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