I don't keep up with the subjects I'm writing to, but I'll attempt to introduce my responses with an overview of whatever situation. Sometimes the topic is included in the advice or alludes to the situation. Other times, the advice speaks for itself.
Paradigm: I'm pretty sure I've given some advice I also need to see for myself and answering folks online is a way to get me to see it in writing as well. Probably I'm here to revisit my words cause I didn't get it the first time.
Free Advice:
Ways to Escape Reality without Drugs (or more fun with drugs):
Read a Book
Go for a walk.
Watch a movie.
Pretend you are someone else.
Video games.
Time in nature
Imagination
Creativity on projects
Play / Listen to Music
Dreaming Practice
RPGs
Speak a new reality
Live your best delusions
Be Nothing
Trance / Shamanic States of Consciousness
I feel like we have both been keeping our best parts on lockdown and that we both need a safe partner to share them with. And we are starting fast but we can go slow. And neither healing nor growth happen overnight. I know we will know when we are face to face.
Probably you can ask the trees and land itself what it needs to heal and be cleansed. Focus on forgiving the old times and maybe incorporate a blanket of rain into whatever you do.
*****
The only thing that keeps me going is a kind of spiritual knowledge that some life lessons are so precious that I have to go through the pain to understand them. And if I jump ship then I would have to come back and experience the same and more before I get why. I walked away from my whole life this year and lost the rest. People I thought loved me turned their back over mistakes and people I didn't want to be around have been plying me with all the emotional tortures of my childhood. What I didn't walk away from, I lost. I've been homeless, carless, penniless, phone-less, and scared to ask for help I know I need. Make sure you have all your projects in notes and hang on to your inspiration from the moments it lived and give yourself permission to create any new normal that feels good on a fresh day of being a new self who can't go back. I knew I was a shaman leaving on walkabout and that I would never be the same and letting go of old dreams and partnerships and losing contact with my husband who was my best friend for 14 years has been rough. Look out with your spiritual eyes and these loves are always nearer than we immediately would assume. There is no veil and all the worlds are touching. They feel your love and your pain. So make sure to feel their love back and aim to make love also what you send.
Does she have an old friend who would also be able to connect with her and knows her well to support your endeavors? Maybe if she is having a trust issue with some of your attempts to help or cure her, that person could assess her or might even help her remember who she is. Responding to any foul entity with humor and compassion is going to benefit your situation more than fear and worry. If she is acting out the reflection of your internal experience, then just like being a nervous mom makes a baby more fussy, your obsession over it could be making things worse. Watch some Ceasar Milan and play the part of Calm Confidence while you go about addressing this. Whatever else it is, it's Occurred as a natural event in the nature of nature to be a lil unpredictable and possibly spooky or chaotic.
My guesses of what she might be having: sleep deprivation. Make sure her room is dark-dark and that she isn't having sleep apnea. Also, ask her if she wakes a lot from noises and maybe suggest earplugs. If she is sleep deprived then dream realms slip across and can be confusing.
People who lose a home move and start again. The necessity of things to be this extreme is hard to picture if you are looking at it as individual and not residual and ripples. People who might not have cared about homelessness may now care. People who even could change a life are struggling next to people who felt like they were struggling alone. Someone who felt trapped in their house now doesn't have one to be trapped in. The concepts of death and rebirth and of destruction as creation come to mind. The wotld we are in wouldnt be the same without the understanding and ripples from tragedies (like holocaust since it's already been mentioned). They couldn't be studied and the ones who scattered wouldn't be and their strength may not have been revealed through any other event. Even when it is hard to see there is a design that is taking people into a new world. Someone who was terrified they would waste away in front of their TV in California doesn't have a TV and is finding their truth through the challenge of survival now. It's hard to imagine what good rises out of a tragedy. And some fall down and don't get back up and that does happen as well. Trusting in a collective of love to scoop ya up when you need that is also very hard in a world that constantly reinforces the idea that you have to give money to get love. It's also hard to imagine trouble as a thing to need to change your mind about what you deserve or will tolerate or to see what you can do about it.
***** I took Psychology and Sociology as a high school student. But my world was so F'd up that I was a teenager in the self-help section of the library. The classes really added to me figuring out things at a young age and kids definitely should have a lens to that kind of knowledge and their home conditions. If kids knew about therapy when they are still facing their childhood trauma as kids, they'd be 2 steps ahead when making their mistakes in adulthood.
Is Narcissism Hereditary? Me: Yeah. But if you don't like being that way you can still understand yourself and find a way to override most of the urges and behaviors. The spiritual wisdom route is the hardest but probably the best... but expect to meet your own darkness coming and going and to have trials and levels of growth.
Sometimes I get a vibe of my team coming through to show me a kind of veneration for my works and am always so in love with them back. I think my treatment by my family and society being quite the opposite means I'll be headed toward a beautiful honored and respected position as a guide to the transition of this world. Some of which I helped to design. I'm gonna speak that which you wrote later on
Jesus comes to see me as a person. He helps me as a person and is a good friend to me on my journey. He's a consciousness and is so powerful he can show up as anybody he wants... like a bunch of them. So I told my mom that Jesus and the angels visit as people and now she doesn't pressure me because she's jealous that I have a divine connection to higher beings. Even Jesus didn't want a cult and doesn't like how people misuse his life and teaching to do cult things and pressure people. Tell her your Jesus thinks her Jesus is trying to have a competition and there's no love where there is supremacy and separation. Ask her if Jesus is guiding her to have competition about whose beliefs in him are better and which character in the Bible likes to divide and conquer.
Always hang out with people you want to
be like. You'll pick up the ways of the ones you spend time with whether you
intend it or not. You'll speak like them, look the other way like they do,
think like them, and take on bits of their personality that you won't even
recognize at first. Be careful of who your friends are. Choose the kind of
person you want to be.
*****
Sometimes they choose it just to make
everyone else feel better that they aren't going through the worst. Life
lessons accumulate in the higher self and whatever the recipe for a life calls
for is like having a mix of colors or blend of flavors. The collection of
lifetimes becomes so complex that it simplifies to itself. So any kind of story
might or might not be remembered for its suffering even of there was a lot as
moments of joy are the bigger point. Some things you go through to get to what
you need for the lesson. Some life lessons are in quick moments so small we
probably missed them.
*****
I call this family dynamic Narcissism
Soup. I got put in the soup and want to get it washed back off. But probably
I'm like a stainless steel spoon and there won't even be a smell. I don't shit
stir, but I would be tempted to turn up the heat once I leave again. I'm
putting these monsters in my book.
Anytime I get grouchy the inner voice says:
they're gonna wish they were nicer. But I feel sorry for them because they have
to live with being themselves. Ewww
I think some of the journey I'm doing is about
faith. Some is about doing a bunch of hard stuff that people also go through on
a daily basis. Some is losing everything without losing faith and hope. Some is
to know myself by what had been stripped away. Some is to understand why I hold
myself back or don't think anyone will help me. Some is to try and corner me
into self-reliance and independence even while the asking for help parts are
extra hard.
*****
He needs a vacation all by himself. I
dunno how, but he needs time alone on a beech or in the woods and not to be
needed or bothered by anybody. Take a few weeks even, a road trip with no
destination. He needs a break to get his breakthrough. Be ready for him to come
back as a different guy and don't expect things to go back to how they were
because they were depressed before.
*****
Go and put your bare feet in a running
stream. Take something to throw in the stream or river so you can watch it
float away out of sight. Thank the water for flowing your sadness away. Sense
how your energy is getting cleaned by the flowing stream as new fresh water
comes and the old is released. The cold is good too, cause the cold will
activate your immune system and counter the depression in your body. Thank the
River Goddess for healing your heart and remember that no man steps foot in the
same river twice. He is not the same man and it is not the same river. Tell
yourself you are gonna live your new normal and play music without words for a
while. Weightless by Marconi Union is very calming. You can message me if you
want and I can listen or offer a free reading. Bright blessings dude. You're
gonna get through this.
*****
People don't want a conversation on
politics so they avoid topics about social issues. They've got us all down
about what to do about anything so much that we don't talk about what needs
doing. They poise for finger pointing cause that's what they've been teaching
us to do. It's a sad story happening around and nobody feels like they're the
one to take it on, especially while they're going through it. I'm staying with
family and don't have income and was homeless 6 months last year and I'd be so
ready to starve to death than hear how some new president is the answer from
any person who can't see the difference between a forest and a tree. I know my
journey has been making the world of lack a visionary sandbox for me to imagine
a solution. I just haven't had it yet.
*****
It happens when your circumstances have
made you detach. No attachment can be great, like a fresh start. Spend time in
nature, forest bathing, doing quiet things and finding intentional peace. Just
because it's not blowing your mind doesn't mean you're doing things wrong.
Sometimes being still is being the pin that holds the needle in the middle of a
compass.
*****
People in our orbit I treat the same as
forces of nature. They are acting from their nature and so it's the same as if
a wind came and did it.
*****
He might be a test. These ancestors and
karmic partners show up with some of our lessons attached and we have to
navigate them in the blind. But if you think of your path as growing you
through tests and also giving you hints and confrontation to your path they
reveal things and speak plain and good weird around you to keep you awake to
your intents.
*****
Tell him if he wants to stay he will
have to go through a cleansing and energy aligning ritual and get your husband
to agree and enforce this. And if he won't then he gets to leave right after
the holiday. And if he does then you can see what happens and try to help him.
Responding to negative entities with compassion usually throws them, so be real
and kind but set the standard your way.
******
An aspect of your higher self
acknowledges your work and wants you to feel it is important. I wrote newspaper
and saw a lot of death and had an angel of death as my companion a lot. Thank
them for seeing you and honor the humanity of the patient by learning their
name and if they liked anything (remembering is less important).
*****
Spend time in gratitude that he's not
your problem anymore. Imagine that you are free and use your mind power of
visualization in combination with whatever you're doing in the physical sense.
Focus on feeling glad he has decided to move on. As a spell take something of
his, chop or cut and shred it up and go. An aspect of your higher self
acknowledges your work and wants you to feel it is important. I wrote newspaper
and saw a lot of death and had an angel of death as my companion a lot. Thank
them for seeing you and honor the humanity of the patient by learning their
name and if they liked anything (remembering is less important).or a drive away
from your house and throw the pieces out more and more and don't look back..
maybe even tape off your rear view mirrors. Bind him from harm and thinking
harm.
*****
It's totally your fault. So you might
as well forgive yourself about it. When you fear negative things is when the
universe reaponds by bringing you more of the things to fear. Stay present and
do things carefully in the spirit of love and you'll know you did what you
could. Negativity in the world is the balance for learning light and
positivity. You can't learn without experiences and if they have a lesson it
will find them no matter what kind of parent you are. Hovering helicopter
parents cause people to have problems too and if you are trying to be perfect
and in control they will learn the only way to have love is to be that way and
never feel like they were good enough. Relax. Chill. Practice not needing to
control things one day at a time.
*****
What about snuggles and non sexual
affection? I think if you can take some time to show each other affection that
doesn't have to be sex then it will help you feel better about it not being
sex. Physical affection doesn't have to be sexual and can be time out and
meaningful. I have some dissociative sides that show up more with my libido and
feel things distinctly around certain energies. It is awesome to have someone
you can be open with about your feelings even if they are hard to say and might
hurt to say.
*****
You are not your emotions. Be the
observer of your emotions and learn to step back from them. You can. It takes
focus. Emotional manipulators love to find people who they can operate and push
their buttons. If your partner or you are manipulators then you probably get
off on the ride and Rollercoaster. But if you crave peace and emotional
stability you can learn all about these things and how to control yourself.
Feel your feelings without showing and journal or something so you don't keep
them in. Finding your inner calm and not reacting comes first. You can't change
other people only yourself and you were attracted to the partner for some
reason so it's your reason.
*****
Your next life already happened. All
the lifetimes happen at the same time. Worrying doesn't do any good since it's
already happened. Judging other people's struggles and lessons is useless.
Answer as many questions as you can with love, like you can love that you don't
need to worry about something that already happened and that you don't have to
learn the hard way this life. If you spend all your time worrying the universe
will assume your favorite hobby is worrying and give you more worries and
things to be scared of. All things happened in an instant and there's only the
experience of time because the construct of living a linear life is how we
explore consciousness as evolving beings who learn and teach, share and become.
*****
Your next life already happened. All
the lifetimes happen at the same time. Worrying doesn't do any good since it's
already happened. Judging other people's struggles and lessons is useless.
Answer as many questions as you can with love, like you can love that you don't
need to worry about something that already happened and that you don't have to
learn the hard way this life. If you spend all your time worrying the universe
will assume your favorite hobby is worrying and give you more worries and
things to be scared of. All things happened in an instant and there's only the
experience of time because the construct of living a linear life is how we
explore consciousness as evolving beings who learn and teach, share and become.
*****
Remembering yourself at the highest
level of consciousness is remembering you are all of it. Your ego is really
your continually developing story and self, the memories of your life and all
the meaning you've gained from your various timeliness, even the ones that
splintered off in different directions with different lessons. Narcissism is a
defense of the ego and if yours is healthy then then there is positive
narcissism is even a thing. Self promotion, competition, celebrating your wins,
not letting others change your mind once it's made up, some narcissistic
behaviors aren't awful. If you face everything as if it is you, then you can
find yourself everywhere and love yourself there, not like stupid jealous
modern romance, but with divine love and most especially by being more awake
and present for everything as much as possible. Malignant narcissists are
compensating for an identity confusion where they maneuver everything like a
game so they don't have to face their faults, which are more and more because
they never face them. Malignant narcissists live in a delusion and have split
their self into all good and all bad and have a confusion about reality. Their
self-love includes sadistic glee emotions and they get off on hurting people
for the attention. If they think the world revolves around them, they miss the
part where they are in and of it in the worst way.
*****
Hitler was given a lot of gifts of power
in that life and he was also a powerful example of what happens when people who
have special abilities are misused by a dark agenda. His purpose was so
important as a being that the ripples to and from him in the fabric of our
collective story was immeasurable. We wouldn't even be who we are today as a
world without learning about him or from him. The atrocities are part of that
and each loss of life changes the tapestry of our world. Individual karma is
transcended by his impact by being impactful to a greater number through
consciousness. I pray the ho'onoponopono the holocaust as an atrocity I had
needed personally and that there had been some higher purpose pray it again as
a being whose duty is to design the worlds even knowing the losses and pains.
Ask Bashar how valuable a trail of technology is and whether the wars and ways
to fight them were worth it to technology advancement. Some things in the
design are terrible.
*****
We chose all these characters and got
ones from our own higher soul family to play all the parts. Which makes it
harder to confront their toxicity when you know their higher selves are only
light and love, but to make me who I am they had to play as sad, mean, nasty,
toxic kinds. They try to make you like them and you have to resist. They make
you scared to fail and feel unworthy, unloved. But you have to trust yourself
and your heart and know better than all that. Your code is like theirs, your
DNA, your anything. Things that are alike are the ways energy rings and you
have some of them in you. You can forgive anything. You can forgive everything.
Do it for your Self.
I prefer the
Ho'onoponopono prayer and use it to address things in meditation.
::I'm sorry. Please
forgive me. Thank you. I love you.::
*****
Sounds like he died and came back. Some
of the ones who do that get fast tracked to healing their shadow and his pain
and anger are part of his shadow. He needs a good thinking spot to tell it to
the trees. Tell him to walk barefoot on the ground and to trust the process. He
needs grounding and centering and to learn about his subtle energy body. Tell
him to look up videos on the Rosicrucians and Robert Gilbert. Tell him to
create. Whatever his art or craft is will definitely help. Psychology doesn't
deal with the kind of compulsive energy that feels true from within but isn't
based on "sense and logic." Thre more he can be outside the better.
If he knows drugs then he might also benefit from mushroom therapy, which is
litetally healing the brain and studies are available. Some people come back as
a walk-in, which is a higher being that would still have his memories but
wouldn't have his same personality. Find a shaman who has seen these things and
tell him that talking it out is good but that he can do that without sharing
his rage in a space that scares others.
Tell him that
between times when he's tired that he should meditate on one element at a time,
that he should try and remember when being one element was his whole memory.
Earth, air, fire, water, spirit. And just try holding those visualizations as
long as he can.
*****
Sometimes it's so you know your hard
limits. I don't have the usual possessiveness as some people in a relationship
but went through being cheated on to realize them spending time with someone
else wasn't about me and may have given them an important lesson or experience
I couldn't share with them. Also, it was a chance for me to know my security
doesn't come from owning my partner, thei affections, their body, their time.
It was how I learned that I could forgive if someone did things they didn't
feel safe to tell me even of I had to find out in hard hurtful ways. Some of
these experiences are like calibrating your preferred reality and how you know
yourself and how to choose yourself in relationships. I realized I'm Polyamorous
because of cheating and confronting the different kinds of relationships
through kink dynamics and the depth of understanding that comes from power
exchange and intentional mental games. You can trust again. Don't internalize
any victim hood (cheated on) as an identity by gaining your lesson out of it as
the win.
*****
Sounds like you're looking for reasons
to sabotage the relationship and will make one out of something trivial. Go
ahead and break up so she doesn't have to listen to you making one up later.
Better for her to hear you make a mountain out of a molehill than whatever lame
thing you and your prude mom come up with next.
*****
Death is just like returning a book to
the library. In spirit realm, we only hold as much consciousness as we choose
anytime. If we want to remember being anyone or with anyone, there's a connection
for that. Or draw on personas or express in ways you admire and become as that.
It's just a way of setting importance by making it temporary on one plane,
making it more precious because it could happen anytime. You can communicate
across the realms, which comforts me, even if I am just sending love to them.
*****
Death is just like returning a book to
the library. In spirit realm, we only hold as much consciousness as we choose
anytime. If we want to remember being anyone or with anyone, there's a connection
for that. Or draw on personas or express in ways you admire and become as that.
It's just a way of setting importance by making it temporary on one plane,
making it more precious because it could happen anytime. You can communicate
across the realms, which comforts me, even if I am just sending love to them.
*****
It can be really a deep experience to
have a friend with benefits. You can be deep friends and respect each other's
space and definitely you should be attracted to each other but without expectations
that it would be a romance or lifestyle and can even be long term if you want
it to. Tell them you need to hang out as friends a lot before you'll be in the
mood because you didn't want fkk buddies but a real friend you also play with
sometimes. Only be available for fun if you are in the mood. Meanwhile you are
friends and can go out or be at things together. You set the pace of the
friendship and also get to set the pace if you want to take things to the next
level.
*****
Tell them you understand the tones are
meaningful and that you require calibrations. Thank them for calibrations and
tell them when it's too loud and to turn it down. Make notes about when they
are louder and what your mood, sleeping, and external environment has been.
Think about abusive relationships and manipulation and apply that same formula
of conditioning to the world around you and circumstances. Are you stressed?
Does something always interrupt your sleep or keep you sleep deprived? How is
your health? Do you live near a cell tower? Tinnitus is just a way to call the
ear ringing tones. Does your left ear sound different from your right?
*****
People who think there's a supremacy of
one belief over another don't know that narrowly defining God only reduces
their own God and prevents the supremacy they want to assume. Jesus comes to
see me as a person and to check on me as a mystic and they can't even uncloud
their eyes from the inky pages and lies.
*****
Weirdly enough. Betrayal from within
and sharing a common enemy make a group's bond stronger. Maybe she has been a
chaotic factor but watch your group get picky about who gets in and how you
protect yourselves and each other after facing a threatening character. You're
all gaining even. Cleanings in a fresh running stream are my favorite.. rivers
and creeks. And I sometimes bathe in them even when it's cold.
*****
I call this kind of thing "Call
Karma" and I accept facing my own anytime I ask for these striking karma
moments. Maha Kali rules karma and blesses me to call my judgement at times and
I am a vessel to her voice at others. I envision angels of justice levying
lessons for wisdom around her design. I offer song and dance and utterances in
tongues and also as offering teach people who are ready to listen about things
they need to know. Tower moments are major upheavals and change people totally.
You might not like who they become any better than the one you wish was
different.
*****
Protocols are protocols but people
aren't programs and they're not possessions. And informing your own emotions
based on this construct or that in an obvious construct with power play is
immature for anyone. Lying and disrespect and favoring one or feeling
disregarded are all power plays. If you really see the whole person and care
for them you can choose to let them play their games with your heart and have
the. Or calculate your emotional involvement around dynamics of position and
play robots on protocol without all the feeling even if there is some anyway.
Keeping all the receipts and expecting someone going through transformative
experiences to be the same person day to day and holding a new day person
accountable to all the receipts is immature. Go with the flow is advised really
often for a reason. You were even doing some of that up til now. ENM is legit
and maybe it's not for you or maybe you can have your new day and give it a
try. Or try it and decide on another new day once you have tried it with
someone you trust more. How far to trust people is something you learn from
watching them be natural and unconstrained. You wouldn't figure out how far to
trust a tiger by observing it only in a cage. She's having an important journey
and is willing to pursue it with you and others. Maybe you make her feel safe
and that even gives her more confidence to try new things. But as a protector
your attention is important and the roles might not always be so prescriptive
and easy to be in.. especially if you feel jealous. Take your time and don't
expect anything, and at the very least check on her since she may be role-playing
with someone who is like a shark and could be out to take her for all she's
worth.
*****
You wade in and let them see if it's
for them even if it hurts when they decide it's not for them. Anything worth
doing is worth hurting for, and a chance with a good person is what both of you
have to offer. So, as the poly experienced person it's up to you to give them
the space to learn and experience a feeling or dynamic they haven't had before.
It could be they won't have the energy for more than one or for someone who
does. So you just go ahead knowing it might be wonderful for a little and agree
to come back to the question when you know each other better. And even if there
isn't any more solidifying of things then you both also gained a deeper moment
with someone you knew was worth the chance.
*****
First... Get a book called Reinventing
Your Life by Young and Klosko and do the quiz so you can better understand your
traumas where they come from and how your behavior results from them. The
scenarios are straight forward and you will see the behaviors happening all
around you, the plays.
Don't feel guilty
for not being able to help. Sometimes the Whole Total Lesson is to know how to
say No when you are even a little uncomfortable or when you know a resource is
for your own life purpose and not meant to be sacrificed for the comfort of
someone else. If you are grown and living with parents, it's probably time to
find your way to living somewhere else. Probably homelessness and wanting to
help people who are in that position is your inner self being afraid that if
you move away that you'll be homeless and your needs won't be met. But if you
look closely at all the needs you have being left unmet, you'll probably see
that where you are in your life isn't very different from the fear. People come
to push our buttons so we can act a certain way and have some even that allows
us to reflect on ourselves and learn of our own nature so that we can heal it,
grow from it, and then use the lessons from life to give ourselves that dream
we deserve. We already deserve the best but don't know because if the lessons
were easy and the difficulty wasn't hard then we wouldn't know how to measure
our own strength. Don't share everything with anyone but your journal. Do avoid
telling people things that will make you vulnerable if they have a history of
exploiting you, cause they don't stop exploiting but you don't have to open the
door or leave them a key. Learn about emotional manipulation and how people are
intentionally using these tactics to get you to give or do things for them.
Play a game anytime and all the time: whenever you feel sad, what happens next?
Making other people feel better is a normal reaction, but are you doing it for
them or for you? If they come and make you sad knowing that cheering them up
will make you feel better for a moment but not considering the cost to you or
your future, then they are a user and you can learn about how they operate. Get
a job helping people with the things you want to see cured in the world and learn
about professional boundaries from people who work in that world and listen to
them and how they cope or consider the pain and struggle of those who need
help. You are on the right path.
*****
Conscious Healing I don't have to tell
you if you are aware that you're already aware. You choose to tune in to other
people or focus on yourself only. The energy of my emotions affects everyone
around me whether I intend them to feel me or they intend me to feel them. Read
the words you wrote again. The understanding of empathy comes together when you
are explained that you can feel other people. When you realized it was
possible, you probably could do so because you were already doing it and so the
understanding of that feeling with others was something you were already doing.
It's really a matter of realizing the area of separation and that you control
how much of that there is. Some people feel others deeply and need shields and
space to feel their own feelings. Some people struggle to feel others and have
to lean on experiences they had to put themselves in the other person's shoes
like a story they get to retell themselves and try on the other person's life
before the "near enough version" of the other person's feelings can
be imagined. Discovering your own abilities to feel with others and discern the
emotions or physical sensations that are in your consciousness and knowing how
to sort between yours and theirs is a development you choose. For some people
empathy is easier than breathing and no harder to connect the total dots about.
For some, picking apart the nuance of the feelings is harder because they don't
really know their own feelings to tell what is whose. If you are waiting for
someone to explain their feelings so you have confirmation, just know emotions
are difficult to explain except through art and poetry and story and music
especially. That's why emotions get titles and subtitles, chapters and outlines
when we are taught how to talk about it. You can tell a stranger you are sad
and there's a general understanding of that as people that sad is a big hat and
a lot of variations happen in sad, like loss and grief and missing something or
because of empathy even, being sad because someone else is sad. We get told a
lot that things we perceive are our imagination but it was in our perception
and learning to accept an extra perception in a world where people are expected
not to act on their imagination makes it harder to accept empathetic gifts when
your brain tells you stories to connect the feeling you already felt and that
it is something from someone else. Filling in the blanks is what your
subconscious does best, drawing the lines between all the bits of information
you get so you can make sense of it. Feelings on their own don't make sense and
other people's feelings definitely don't usually make sense. But we are tricked
a lot of the time into putting in efforts to make sense when we really just
need to spend more time with the idea that we have empathy sense and how to use
it or direct it or protect ourselves with it.
*****
Honey... Maybe it isn't your daughter
who was sexually assaulted but yourself at an impossibly young age. Even if you
can't really remember there has to be a reason you are attracting a deep fear
entity and the only bait they like is the same flavor they provide. Like
attracts like. You are traumatized now. But it is so you can heal again in a
new way and outgrow this dark part that was imposed on you. Tell your inner
child that you are grown and that you will protect your delicate parts and
remind yourself that you are strong. Thank your mind for revealing where you
are really hurt and explore your own healing.
*****
Cultural gatekeeping is a fear tactic
by the matrix to keep people divided. Don't listen to it. We are one people. We
are touched by one life force energy from source. All separation is an
illusion. All implications of it being wrong to connect to the energy and love
of another culture is based on fear and the kind of thing you can consider junk
ideas. Smudge is universal and using smoke to acknowledge and honor and worship
any deity is as old as the first flame and does not belong to any particular
kind of people. Do as you will.
*****
People only pressure you about laziness
because they guilt themselves about sitting still and being quiet, but
recovering and processing grief and trauma aren't things you can put on a
calendar. It's not something you can measure in days or weeks or months. They
keep themselves busy and are extra driven to hide from their deeper self that
is always still like the bottom of the well. That's why sitting still is how ya
find it, even if it wiggles a lot when a favorite song comes on the radio. As
long as they can reflect the sunshine from the surface, they don't have to dive
down where you have to hold your breath from all the stink and deal with the
pressure of why they were given a tether to those past times no matter how many
times they have cut the cord.
Don't let anyone
else tell you how long it takes to grieve or improve yourself cause if you will
let them, people will throw a clock at you and even be glad when it lands like
a mountain, imagining to themselves that they have saved you cause now you can
climb the mountain out of the deep, deep ocean... all you gotta do is climb a
mountain and you're free. Nevermind that you just got a mountain up the side of
your head or that it is like standing on top of it that far down would make the
pressure any better.
Perspective is
everything. Even if you can be the mountain and learn to be still and quiet and
be in love with everything, it's not everything-everything until you can thank
the worst of it for showing you which way to go next. If you're not acting out
the things you feel, honoring impulses, engaging your silly side, saying yes to
invitations and winking back at the flirtatious universe, it's probably not
going to help because those are you being the nature of nature. Just like
stillness that isn't laziness is also natural, even you can't see all your hard
work on trauma that happens inside while you are doing things at the pace you
can, and even when it seems like you just can't. Bring the belief that there is
always something you can do and when the ideas for the day arrive try and say
yes to some of them. Just because you can see in the dark is no reason not to
bring a flashlight.
Rules and time,
pressure and structure might help, but they're not the magic cure that being
your inspired inner self is, and sometimes it doesn't feel like doing a damn
thing. Sometimes you gotta be spontaneous and do shit you never expected and
laugh while you're at it, especially if it doesn't make sense but you +know+ ya
gotta (no harm to yourself or others), and especially if you would have never
imagined you were that kind. And sometimes you have to REST a fucking lot,
which makes things worse for the ones who think rest and laziness look the same
and shame themselves for enjoying it -- even if that is the only thing they
feel really called to for a long time.
Eventually you
forgive, reconnect to your inner child, go on your ridiculous adventures no one
else understands and become a whole new self. Stillness is only stagnant if you
aren't being you. And that's how you change who you are at the level of magic,
and you don't even have to think of the ideas yourself since the universe will
put you right where you need to be when the time is right. It brings you the
perfect match and lights your torch and reignites your passions because it
knows that it can't drown you if you're immune to how long it takes to survive
all of your own pain and can float back up to the fun parts after all that.
That's why you're
still pretending you're a mountain and not a pirate wizard king on a treasure
hunting voyage to stop a djinn or your own special demons, like love and a
family and the way you want that more than anything. You can evtually bring
your well with you and make wishes into it instead once the pressure is off,
once you can really forgive your teachers from all your life, God and
circumstances included, and thank one and all for the lessons -- especially the
ones that don't make sense yet or may never. Sometimes you even have to own
what ya aren't cause you're never gonna hear anyone say a mountain is lazy for
just hanging out all day.
Thinking only works
for some stuff. Feeling only works if you can accept that the future and the
past are possibly similar but never the same. After all, your life sauce is the
only thread of fate you will ever really get to tie your story together with,
and that similarity even drops in likeliness the less like your old self you
are, one step in a new direction at a time. Feeling really works if you're
really in the present and feel everything as you go, even if you have to ride
through armies of dumbasses coming to stab at your peace on a borrowed, stoic
saddle that got all its squeeking over with while you were checking out the
ocean at the bottom of your well.
When people think
there is a "just" in front of "do it" they can't see the
miles you're crossing down there. They can't see the way you traverse your
realms inside, no matter how many times they are told your mountain is really a
castle and that you're cleaning it for a special guest -- yourself -- to come
back home to all new furniture and less reasons to look back. They can't
imagine the years of chipping away at memories or the way you sculpt these into
medicine for yourself and others. They don't see it as work because there's no
money in fixing your own broken heart over and over. They think saying just to
do it will make it easier to follow some program because that's how programs
work, but you're a human (mostly) and your grief isn't going anywhere that you
don't take it yourself. They offer that you should avoid the "wrong"
people, sad ones and weird ones, or obvious abusers (boundaries work but
limited), and don't understand that these are your people and knowing their
energy really does still teach you because it will always reflect yours in all
the ways, especially the parts you don't want clogging up your castle spa.
Someone who calls you lazy or if they rush you when you're trying in your own
way to flush yourself of all your toxic bits, let them be one of the first ones
to toss down a toilet.
Hopefully you find
ones to bake quietly with in the sunshine sometimes, ones that can beam that
light to your depths without trying to pull you out and definitely remind you
why you're mining a mountain at the bottom of an ocean of pressure is because
you would rather be living the daydream of a fun story or listening to music
with that old feeling of wanting to dance down every trail -- but just haven't
found a way to dial your radio station that makes you feel like it. When you
have confronted the feeling, the dial to the radio will appear, but you also
might have to go on a really long walk to make the confrontation and there is
no way to know how far that might be or how long to get there.
If you let them,
folks will talk you out of trusting your own instincts when it comes to time
and milestones and achieving your inner harmony, and there will be a ladder of
mountains to climb. Different ones telling you where to stand or how to feel or
why you didn't succeed or why you are blocking your own self from happiness.
Pressure on pressure, til they blot out the sun and steal your song no matter
how positive and good intentioned they might be. But you can rip up your
timecards and kill the deadlines cause time is a pressure you don't need as
long as you can still comfortably come up for air and sunshine at least when
you know you must.
Some of us have
feelings so indescribable that they take longer to feel, even. Some of us are
learning to forgive ourselves from things we can't name and haven't remembered
clearly since the second it happened. When you feel like you can't explain, it
might just be one you are meant to hang out with, and so you learn to hold your
breath for longer, but necessarily lean into the caution to not expect much for
certain to come from it. And then to wait again for the relief it helps a lot
to believe in. Cause feeling better is a thing that comes and sometimes it's
easier to get your treasure from the bottom of the ocean if you don't let other
people throw their surface garbage at you in the first place. Just say
"thanks, I don't live in time world" and be a fish with wings til you
can fly on your own and unburdened even by the linear duality that shames rest
with the word lazy.
*****
Creativity is really the application of
meaning to anything at any time and even temporarily or fleetingly. Even
without the use of media from any type, including digital, the invention of
ideas or their reception of ideas in the of meaning to any of those is
creativity. Interpretation is also creative. Just like adding perspective
doesn't automatically give you the variation in views that you might would wish
to see, or the answer that staring you right in the face doesn't always appear
immediately. Sometimes in art the meaning is just "paint landed here"
and in that way the disregard of meaning is another kind of way to be creative.
You still have to decide that something doesn't have a meaning or that it does,
but choosing to view something in multiple ways for the option of a meaning or
a variation on the meaning is really creative. People hear a lot of the time
that worry is a misuse of creative energy. So negative inventions and pursuit
of negative concern is seen as a creative act even without any artwork to view
or share. One of my favorite slogans I've been using for years is that
creativity is courage because in a world that likes to use peer pressure to
regulate the status quo, changing things are doing things any different is
brave.
*****
Do your usual psychic protections and
then directly channel through the necklace. Ask it why it is in your journey.
Ask it all the questions you might be interested in learning from its energy.
Do that with a notebook and allow the writing to come automatically. Cleanse
the necklace in a running stream after, and if it is fae then look up the
entities and whether you should show gratitude or offer thanks because some
really don't like to be thanked and offering back gratitude lessens their more
one-way workings, especially if you felt it was a gift. Don't be scared of
getting grouchy, cause there might be a message you were ignoring or some
reason why the "friend" in the energy was cranky back.
*****
On the other side of my awakening I was
really able to see that everyone who hurt me was just a teacher. A lot of us
have to sort out the generational trauma scheme to learn that we have lessons
of pain and rejection from the exact same ones as we learned how to live from.
Being hurt and rejected makes us humble and feel like we aren't worth it so
that we can later learn to love and accept ourselves. Pain can teach wisdom and
empathy. What a gift! But someone had to deliver these things to set up the
lesson. Radical empathy and radical forgiveness of things that seem impossibly hard
to empathize and forgive was the answer I chose. I don't want to have
relationships with people who I will doubt have my best interest, and it's not
about patching things up or getting back together with hurtful characters. It's
so you can get to know yourself. Ask the universe to show you why you went
through things so that you can heal from them and forgive and release.
*****
It's a lot to ask your heart to go from
sad-sad to Happy-Happy. And it's also as close to being one of the other as the
attention you choose to have. Go for acceptance first. It is what it is and you
can only change what you can imagine can change. Accept it is some way. Forgive
it is this way with ho'onoponopno prayer. Forgive the parts that don't want to
let go of other ways it could have been as well. Grief happens partly in our
imagination and non-finite grief happens totally in imagination. Remember to
take pleasure in small things and beautiful nature and take a moment more often
to appreciate your world and all the good parts you like of yourself and your
life. One good one at a time. It will still retrain your mind to flow more that
way, even if you feel like you're down deep, at least you can take small
moments to keep yourself pointed in the happy direction.
*****
It's because you've gotta learn to
trust yourself to see and know and find things that are meant only for you.
Nobody else's validation will help. You have to accept the answers you conclude
or keep digging in your own time. Agree with your higher self that some things
are just for you and not to be shared. Choose safe people for safe
conversations. Don't be swayed by anyone's negativity. Sometimes negative
people in our orbit are just representing the bits inside us that are afraid or
doubt our senses. Trust all your own senses. Do some automatic writing or go
for a drive and speak some things that come to you. Realize you're not really
alone and that in spirit we don't even understand separation.
*****
I was reminded earlier that some people
would look at my life and think, "Thank God it didn't happen to me. My
life has been easy next to this girl." But there are ones out there whose
challenges I wouldn't want to face as well. I try to live for my lessons and to
be grateful to my teachers, even as I'm trying to teach them about good in the
ways I find it. You express your feelings really well, which tells me you
really take the time to feel them. I still wanna hang out with you sometime,
just to see.
*****
Tell her that communication is closed
for now and make it a boundary. And then don't have anything to do with her at
all. She sounds like an opportunitist who was trying to bring you down just to
give you the chance to feel better by helping her. Emotional manipulation even.
Just go no contact with her and if you have a social group in common and she
bad mouths you or anything, just tell them that you caught her manipulating you
and leave it at that. You don't have to elaborate, and just keep being
authentic and she will continue to reveal herself. She is likely to retaliate
that you cut her off from her ability to get things from you, but just have
your husband also hold a boundary of no contact and make a solid front about
it. Shield using visualization and imagine your energy is protected by a
mirrored shield with a filter that lets good, love, and light in but keeps bad
out. The mirror reflects anything sent at you back on the sender. Good luck
*****
Maybe you've seen just enough of this
partner to know it's not the kind of partner that you want. It sucks and nobody
likes endings where there looked to be hope or potential, plans and things. Not
letting their issue continue to be taking up so much of your energy and causing
you anxiety is worth getting change over with. Ones like that are emotionally
manipulative a lot of the time and do the mean stuff on purpose or have a good
pity story to get or get out of things. Play a game for a while. When are
people sad? What happens after they are sad? That means you or him or anyone.
Once you see the movie playing out it's hard to unsee it. Good luck
*****
When was the last time you asked your
intuition to take you to the answer and just got in the car and let it take you
to someplace? Ask your guides to guide you on the ground. Go out on a morning
with no expectations of what the answer will be and let the signs and feelings
point you as if freshly. Go with a sense of wonder and not knowing. Don't make
it be about anything. Just have faith that you're being guided to your highest
good. Don't think. Witness and catalog your day but don't judge things by merit
or value or need. When your eureka moment comes it will be so obvious you won't
have any question about it being right.
*****
Inspired to things is better than
wanting. When you accept you are being inspired by the muse of actualizing and
not a participant in the lack implied by "want" or
"longing" then you are in partnership with source creation and your
higher purpose. The direction is in you and you are always in alignment with
anything you need to have it. Just be grateful to your partnership with
creation and for the energy, focus, and sureness of faith to fulfill the things
your heart sings back to you.
*****
Please be more careful with what you
say after you use the word "Imagine." Anything someone can picture
themselves as will be the thing that they become when they live in the moment,
especially if they don't rehearse everything ahead. And you painted some
dissonant scenes that were easy enough for anyone to play, since most people
have done these things from time to time, even if not all of them. Perhaps
write it is an empathy experiment for somebody or give them an opportunity to
have compassion for somebody who's going through a neediness episode instead of
casting themselves into the role of needy.
*****
Learn about reincarnation and past life
regression. I have remembered several deaths and even if the end happens
suddenly, being dead is being free from the fear and pain of the death. It's
like life is a rollercoaster and then it stops and you get off the ride. Tell
yourself you are a powerful healer and heal yourself. It's true even, and you
can always find some answer for your peace and health if you are a seeker and
ask for intuitive guidance. Everyone alive is an ancestor and concurrent
lifetimes happening so even your own higher soul happening all around you.
Think of "god" as a genderless best friend who really does know
everything you're going through and who cares and loves you, but one that knows
you picked your challenges so that you could learn hard life lessons and grow
into who you are meant to be. Angels sometimes just look like a friendly person
who has come to help. No one dies alone, despite the rhetoric of such ideas on
separation. We are all one family in spirit and so when it happens you will be
surrounded by supporting energies and brothers and sisters from the light.
They're always there, not judging, always loving, and ready to help you feel
held. Imagine the love all around you and tell yourself that you are being
"held" by the universe like a baby.. no matter how strong you feel
like you must be for yourself in life's struggles, and that whatever expression
of divinity you identify with as God is giving you a journey that is always
right on time and just what you need. But then also thank it a lot for giving
you comfort, love, signs, opportunities, abundance, your own creativity and
resourcefulness, and remember that if God's light shines in all people that
especially means You and that you also have to keep giving all these things to
yourself in honor of your intentions. If you feel like you must do something
and don't know why, honor the feeling of being pulled toward something, even if
it is a small act like writing a note or drawing a picture or collecting a
thing or going to a place, researching a question or seeing someone you can't
get off your mind. This is how the universe plays the game of seeing if you
will honor your highest self and purpose. I believe you can heal yourself from
anything and that if someone says it can't be done that you shouldn't listen to
them and they are mistaken. Go in search of healing from anyone who believes
that it is possible, but keep an open mind that you may have to do things that
seem impossible. Listen to your heart cause it knows the answer already and
will tell you right from wrong and which ways to keep going or when to change
direction. Thank your higher self for a gentle death and that is what you'll
have, but don't give up on healing and becoming anything you want in this life
as well.
*****
Concurrent lifetimes are the eternal
present. Mostly people are engaged in developing because it gives us a common
purpose as evolvers. Ancients have an expanded awareness of their ancient
nature as unseen in the physical (usually) and can perceive their own themes of
existing from outside time and space as a pattern. As people we get to consider
the themes and patterns as the world happening around us and continue to embody
more of the essential simplicity in just being energy and the lack of need to
constructed scaffolding as we carve our understanding of our own nature. Anyone
could channel Bashar if he would want to talk to them about stuff. Ask Bashar
to simplify things that seem complex. Give him many elements and he will show
you the alchemy of themes to simplify the answer for your aha eureka moments.
*****
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