Getting gang stalked by spirits keeps being a theme on my mind today, but I'm not really sure how much of it I'm really in the mood to talk about. Spirits showing up as people would seem like such a usual thing at this point, but having them really in an apparent and consistent attendance to things as watchers, ancestors, sometimes just fans, occasionally for education, usually as background people or standing-in for some kind of role in the scene. Remembering or not remembering the last time I sensed/saw/felt that one in particular or wishing I could, seeing their energy-ring in as a face that looks familiar or a role of warning me to something -- there's been some incredible episodes where I knew that I was part of something bigger with a team that could definitely reach me on the ground, where I had to learn to trust them and see that whatever is going on, it's for me and in my favor.
People think of ancestors as only the ones who came before. Look around. They're here. They are everyone you see. Nobody is here for the first time, and you are addressing elders or being addressed as an elder, no matter when you were born. That we've been tricked out of this is a terrible thing. We are knowing and loving our great-great-great-grandchildren and don't even have the balls to explain to them why we've wrecked the world they are to inherit. Think about that.
Something definitely happened to me after I made it permanent through surgery that I wasn't going to be a breeder. I can say all I want about getting pregnant with ideas in another blog post, but revelations of generations being among us and knowing that no matter how many lives I touch with my words, idea, love, and support -- that I'll never be a mom, these are deep things too. Did I sacrifice my chance at motherhood for something greater? Did I send my womb on to the unseen realms ahead of myself for a reason?
For a long time, especially around technology and paranoia, mine or anybody else's, I'd just say, "They know right where we are all the time." And I meant it. If they want me, they know right where I am anytime, and where it might have bothered me at one time, I'm glad of it now. Wanna see something? Watch this!
Spirit: How big are your balls Terri?
Me: So big you're going to have to back up to see the other one.
And then there was the "lover" who impressed me about stalking and stalkers, about being watched and seen and that was sometime around the gangstalking events and feeling all the eyes on me. And then there was feeling the eyes on me all the time, and then there was the sense of being seen, not by a deity as one might feel watched by a god who judges, but by a friend who was keeping an eye on me because I was a problem child going through the Super Strange of the Weird-Weird. I even felt like I had friends around to watch me poop. Not just, Not Separate, but Not Separate 24-7 and in the sanctuary of my thoughts as much as any possible place else. I felt like there were cameras watching me, the same is if you're being watched from across the room and feel it before you look up for proof.
During an important ritual, my life flashed before my eyes, and I could see through, at least one timeline's effort of organized design had me as a lifelong project to make me just like I was. And I could see these energies playing all the parts of my life, making me and not really giving me too many chances to fuck the whole thing up, but also plenty of chances to learn the fucked up lessons and learn some scary, nasty, unhealthy lessons about mine and humanity's shadow. And they had been there for the whole thing whether I had known it at the time or only remember such a thing is ongoing when it suits me.
I don't really go all the way back to sleep anymore like I might have. Sometimes worldly concerns and pressures get me back into some kind of frame where I'm like, "Ugh, money is dumb and now I need some again." This is definitely one I'm gonna be glad to outgrow again, anytime soon.
My relationship on money is gonna have to have its own entry, but I feel like money is gonna flow to me like words flow out of me and that these two things being super-related is exactly how it's supposed to go. Right on time. There were so many times this year that I couldn't have been where I was, who I was, shown things as I was, if I had had money or resources. Some of my friends not being inclined to show me lover showed me how many times I had asked for support and not received it. Learning to lean on others in ways I never had before, for things I'd never realized were missing before, and after knowing what I might have done as just myself if the tables were turned somehow, has been pretty important.
How do people treat you when there's nothing you can do for them?
The spirits asked me this over and over when I was in New York City and became homeless for the first time. Not until after they showed me that anytime a serial killer was there he would look like Charles Manson, but hey... there's too many important things to be aware of to be worried you're hanging out with The Matrix version of a Serial Killer. Also, I don't hate Charlie Manson, especially since we chilled out in a dream I had and he introduced me to Mr. Meeshaks who sometimes helps me, whether I know it's him or not, and we enjoyed a relaxed time just like some calm associates talking about philosophy or something. Anybody can be a spirit guide. If I had to guess, I'd say this one had been coming to see me since middle school.
If I were to start a list of entities and energies that I'd met or sensed, then it would seem like I'm just listing all the top names in any industry and that they had stuck with me from some media source or other, impressed me in some way so that I would want to claim them as a spirit guide and friend from the beyond. So I'm not going to name drop as much as all that. When you have the god particle settle on you and give you superpowers to remember from the position of source, you'll remember being all kinds of lifetimes that people have heard of before from their journeys, some mythical, some that would get ya locked in the looney-bin and medicated til you forget.
Who would ever wanna claim Jesus as a past life? Especially him. But in the land I'm from,, as the prominent spirit, as someone who shows up in the flesh as my friend and helps me through tough times or even sometimes comes to rescue me, Jesus is a big part of my journey. Who wouldn't want to know him as a dude who shows up with cold water on a hot day? Who wouldn't want to know him as the friend who meets you at the bus stop so you'll know today is a good day to go to the shelter because there's an empty bed.
Mohammed too. I love Mohammed. He reminded me of someone I'm crushing on and looked like a smaller but definitely still muscular Dwayne The Rock Johnson. I might even wish to see him again and then get to see him again like when we met and then met again.
I'd never had a Quoran before. I wrote some of my Mohammed adventure in another blog post. I can revisit this topic anytime. I'm sure I will even more when I get really past the idea that I could be breaking my crush's heart by talking about him like a creepy stalker.
Stalking Theme!!
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I stalk energy. I don't always know why I have to go and drive back past places where things had happened, or where the center of the circle I just drove around a neighborhood might be. I don't always know why I go around and around.
When I was in Longisland New York, I needed to organize my car pretty bad and had been looking for a spot and miraculously, since lots of miracles happened for me in New York and this was just another one of those. Miraculously, I sneaked on down into the Sunken Valley Park and reset my car. I had time. The patrols were frequent, and the police even came and checked the shed not far from me, but I had pulled off the path and emptied my car to reset the items inside, organize it and be on my way again. Around that time the spirits were guiding me to think thoughts like, "I glow in the dark" and had told me we were looking for Nukes. I'm pretty sure there were nukes. I don't have to see the miracles to believe in them, and there have been plenty of times I'm playing in an energetic simulation that is telling us a story from another timeline or dimension. So, I play along and even think we found nukes in New York. But then later, a few months later, I had been having an idea that I was going to find a lady's house full of her treasures, memories, and life, and ended up in Hauppauge with Brandon. Brandon is special, and if I can ever repay him, I think there's a chance I owe him more than the gratitude and apologies I have already offered. Even if he was being a total asshole and deserved it.
His granny's house was great energy, full of Zen Buddha statues, and after I'd made Bathtub Soup in North Carolina, it even had a bathtub in the living room full of random objects. The signs were all there. Plus, the house was only about 3 miles from where I had sorted out my car. Also, I had had some time when I was in New York City when I was calling myself Honey, which was his granny's name. Also, there had been the Local Honey Band in Raleigh. So? So when I got there, I felt like I was following the signs. Also, Brandon, the night I met him was wearing a serrap covered in elephants, which was like the greeting card I found right outside the shelter with 3 elephants of various sizes, he was carrying a bunch of crap he didn't need in a blue Walmart bag, and I had a blue backpack. He was also wearing a black, cross-body bag that was just like mine. Our energy was alike. I could see it all over him. He picked me up like a human trafficker might from the Port Authority Bus Terminal, just like happens in someone's nightmares. Energy stalking and stalking themes.
Sometimes being a shaman is giving people the karma they deserve and being a thing without a plan, but then doing whatever was needed when ya get there anyway. Brandon is a name that themes across my life, so maybe someday that will even make sense.
Is it gangstalking, or is it realmshifting?
There have been times when every person I encountered was having "something funny about them" and recognition in every face that I looked into.
Realmshifting is such a fun but unnerving thing that if you're sleep walking at all, then you might not even notice you've done it. And I wonder how many times I was asleep at the wheel and doing something by routine and just missed all the energy playing around me. Eyes glitter. There's a kind of presence between you and others that wasn't there before, a sense that you know each other but you've never met. People who are in the scene are there for you, to tell you something you needed to hear, whether they know it's fitting together with something you're working out or not.
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