My Spiritual Womb After Hysterectomy

Firstly, never ask Gemini to generate an image of a Womb Full of Ideas. 

Secondly, don't expect anything from The Universe, except that it won't always make sense. 

Thirdly, I had an emissary from the Astral Plane coming here to complain about all my wayward children there, fathered by all kinds of creatures or demons. I'm their mom. I don't care if they're bad, and I love them anyway. 

Fourthly, I had a hysterectomy on June 28, 2022, which would have cost about $35,000 and was a day surgery. My bits were all healthy, or so the surgeon reported. Recovering has been all the wild. I said at the time that I could have gotten 7,000 Community College abortions for the same prices as my surgery, but foregoing periods while I've been on my Mystical Journey has been priceless. 

Fifthly, I'm not sure what it means to have a part as vital to me already passed on ahead of me into the other realms. I'm sure that something about me has been different since then, but I already had one foot in each of the worlds since at least 1992 after my bicycle wreck when I'm pretty sure there was a tremendous timeline split in my life. At least from that time forward it was easier for me to acknowledge a feeling like I was living in two worlds at the same time. 

Sixthly, I stalk energy, and I really stalked that hospital before and after the surgery. I really felt like I needed to go there and that something important energetically would and did happen there. I've replayed the event of the surgery and some of my "known to me" doppleganger, energy-ringing crew of familiars were there. And it makes me feel better to think so. 

Seventhly, foregoing having kids in this lifetime means I didn't pass on my generational trauma to any more kids off my own line. So, there's that. Sadly, I remember the day of my Tubal Ligation as one when I was thankful that I didn't have to introduce any kids to my mom. I was really happy to realize that particular thing would never ever happen. Sorry if she thinks she's the best grandma in the world, but I am glad I didn't have to. 

Eighthly, I can still feel my womb sometimes. 

Ninthly, I get pregnant with ideas and have been saying this for a long time. I can really tell a difference if I've been making love and have that kind of energy as to what kind of output I'll have on my writing and creating. So, if you're a potent Idea Dad and wanna find out what happens if your and mine get together, then I'm not scared to try any hot and spicy recipes. 

Tenthly, I didn't know I was going to work on this and feel like I'm leaving out all the best parts. 

Faith in what?

Faith in what? 

Faith in Myself. 

How many times do I have to show myself how awesome I am before I believe in myself and have faith in my miracles? 

Faith and remembering go so much together. I've had so many cool things happen to me, for me, around me, in me, and because of me that I definitely don't have all that evidence. But then, my memory is such a weird one as well, and sometimes to even keep me going as a human doodle, doodley-dooing all my days that it's kinda necessary to make me forget again and again. So "they" do. The angels or higher selves or whatever. 

Science studies the Nature of Nature

 

Science is the Study of The Nature of Nature. I love that Science wants to know everything and that measuring things and figuring them out and asking questions is how it works. 

I love learning it. Some of it fits with things I'm working out in a spiritual sense that it also makes a kind of scientific affirmation. Or sometimes I use a science to affirm a thing I also agree with from a spiritual perspective or find some agreement between them. 

Spirit is Nature. Nature of Nature is Spirit. Science studies spirit. It might be something physical in the sense of physical realities, but in the consideration of "As Above So Below" and the physical manifestation of spiritual worlds happening all around us, the question layers out in dimension. I've said for so, so, so long that "I study the Nature of Nature" and then just watch it as it goes on from Earth or between beings, or as waves, highs and lows, dynamics, magnetism, and flow. 

"Nothing waits to change," I wrote on the end of a poem and have plans to include on a tattoo someday. It's already changed. It's already changing. Nature is never as static as one who comes along to see it for a moment might have thought. Earth Girl is a Wild Child and we're gonna see her have some kind of Birth soon. I wrote it, so it's probably something. 

Anytime I'm learning new ideas from science I come up with some kind of question. Kinda like, when I was recently listening to a lecture about how napping, quiet time, meditation, and naps are how we process all the things we were intending to learn. I wondered and still do, if there's a correlation between someone who is an excellent thinkers/learners and the easy ability to fall asleep in class. I was always so sleep-deprived in college that it probably wouldn't do any good to ask me to be in the study. But I keep wondering. 

I try to know the names of plants around me or find them through intuition. When I go on my intuition and then look them up in an app by the picture or try to learn from what there is right in front of me... sometimes it sticks and sometimes I have to come back from it. I found out one day that I had an eye for medicinal plants, since all the ones I wanted to look up that day were good for something healing. What fun! I also find fungus. So far, I haven't been finding any magic mushrooms, but it might be the wrong time of year, or I might have chickened out of trespassing when I saw them standing all over those cow patties that day. I definitely use my dowsing ability to find things to be curious about. 

Spiritual Guidance or Dowsing Ability... I'm trying to smell the difference. 

I've really wondered before if I would be one of those people who could tell the different smells of cancers or lymphoma or whatever they say people can learn by smelling it. This schnozz is a pretty good one, if I do say so myself. Sadly, it's been lifetime exposed to smoking or vaping (except for the 5 years when I was having peace and working on myself like I wish I was all the time), but it's still a pretty good smeller. How much better at some kind of science might I actually be than I can even imagine? 

I think someone should study my brain and the whole me. It's probably why I like the Experiment Paradigm so much, imagining that interesting bits of my life are stored in an Akashic Record where any kind of weirdo alien scientist might have a looksee and a laugh on me. I'm gonna laugh til I die. He got me real good. 

Funny enough, when I was doing Spirit Therapy and driving around in my car for it, anytime I was being pushed to confront things I didn't like or was suffering with emotionally, the car would be steered past a stinky cattle farm, or a pig truck would roll past in the summertime, or from somewhere it would smell rank around me. The smells helped me get over things I was wrestling with inside. If I wasn't in the present with the highway and the smells, could I have realized that my environment was matching to my emotions, or rather escorting me away from my stinky emotions with lots of questions. I wonder how many folks are rehearsing and questioning and don't even realize they are being well-attended by spirit guides. 

I'm studying myself and my adventure all the time, and I feel a bit like the kind of Dorothy or Alice who has to wake up to explain why it makes any difference. Maybe I'm awake to say all these things in the first place. Or maybe I'm just playing observer as part of the thing. 

Associations

Labels that make sense to my story: 
Autistic
ADHD (diagnosed)
Borderline Personality Disorder
Type 2 Diabetes (diagnosed)
Depression
Impulsive
Linguist
Creative
Naturalist
Poet
Psychic
Crafty
Clever
Inventive
Dissociating
Imagination
Analyzing
Empathetic 
Interpretation
Adventurous
Romantic
Old Soul
Lonely
Loving

Savant and/or Squashed and Perfectionist?

I'm grossed out by the idea I have to be seen to be valued by this world.

Seen or heard or shared. I get it. There's a movement of people happening that understand the kind of journey I'm doing. Walkabout. Holy Shamanic Walkabout as process for ascending. I'm not alone. There are lots of Chosen Ones out and about in the land these days. A lot of them are leading online. A lot of them are sharing with their tribe. Some are hermits like me. I even got asked pointedly by the spirits what I would do about breaking out someone who is that much better at being alone. 

I didn't really come up with any good answers about that one. I'm still trying to figure it out for myself. 

I was a lonely kid. I've realized that more and more since I'm staying with my family right now, and I don't feel safe to take phone calls around people. I don't get to be my real self hardly at all. I try my hardest to be more of my authenticity around my nieces and nephews since they're able to mostly sense what's going on even if they don't know what to call it is Narcissism Soup. 

I could go on for a long time on lessons I think I am here to learn, but mostly I'm here because it's like going back in time to have a look around in an old journal. The more I've changed, the more this family has stayed the same. I even have age-doubles with my sister's kids going through a lot of the same kinds of things I went through -- all the way down to people not having enough value on health and hygiene. 

Did I really need to get cornered to here to value my writing like this? Writing because there's nowhere to go and because there's no other way to get real, no other way to get me to share something than to take away all other avenues to authenticity. I played with dolls a lot as a kid, like Robin Williams, whose spirit visits me sometimes to laugh and laugh. I wrote a lot of short stories, and some have even come true. I learned to see the world like a journalist and to mix things around. 

And then, when I was 41, I got a hysterectomy. 

When I was just 21, there had been a dream. In the dream, there were these 4 faceless entities, guys, tall and thin and felt familiar. And they said, "We're going to remove organs from your body and then fuck you." It wasn't a question. But I was so happy about it that I said, "Yes!" And so that's what they did, like on a surgery table and then took turns fucking me like a horror-porno. But then I came out of whatever the stupor was and was very upset about my organs being removed. And so I went from the barn-like outbuilding into a ranch house, brown brick maybe, like someone's home. And there was a woman in there, whose face has seemed familiar to me since then as someone who shows up around realm-shifts and times when I would know I was Training for something. And so I tell her that I'm worried I won't survive without my organs and so she doesn't say much but puts me to work on repetitive things until I calm down enough to tell her again about worrying I'll die without my organs. And now she shows me my ceramic salad bowl filled with bloody chicken eggs that are dried and crunchy and red and crusty. Looking at them made me sure they weren't going back into service. So, I said, "Well those aren't going back." And went outside into the lawn, picked a tree, sat under it with my legs crossed to have a peaceful moment before I die, and died. When I died, I woke up here, which was jarring and stayed with me for a long time. 

After my hysterectomy, I was reminded of that dream a lot. Especially since I got predated by a psychological sadist about 5 weeks after my surgery and haven't felt like I was living in the old regular world in even longer than that. Something about depersonalization on that level really takes ya out of yourself. In context to being a shaman and having asked The Mushroom for my writing abilities back, and having a longtime fascination with my shadow and that of humans in general, it makes sense that I had to get caught while I was extra vulnerable so that I could keep getting broken open to find out. There are gentler ways of doing this. I get that, but I'm committed to continuing my surrender to the path and let it show me what I need to know. Even when I wish is could be friendlier anytime now. 

I guess the year I was 41 was also the year I heard myself singing in a new way. I had connected again with my dance and wrote several poems. Something happened. 

I've always had a little bit of talent for almost anything, but any of these things were suddenly heightened and my grace was improved. I'd had Music that I could switch on or off anytime for as long as I can remember, humming, singing, words or without. Anytime I want music, it's there. And dance now. I say the dance is in and I let it out, and it is never the same two times so I call it the Freestyle. I move in ways I never knew I could and almost always get to live the surprise of what moves I'll be doing next as I'm With Flow. 

Talking in Tongues was a new. I had always been able to sing any kind of sound or syllable or allow it just to be random and like jazz or classical music sounding, since I have a choir background. Or maybe it was a blues tune that repeated some phrase over and over from my soul. But where did this Talking in Tongues Language come from? I know it's a language because of how it repeats. But then I don't have to be thinking any kind of thing for it to come out. And some of the words remind me of Hindi, but like Din which is Day. And it is always a surprise to me. I either have it on and allow it to pass through me, or I have it off to get along with people who wouldn't get it. I hate being held in by people who wouldn't try to get it. Nevertheless, here we are.

A lot of my challenge with being something is getting past being too shy to share. I'm still struggling about being too shy with my gifts. Writing not least among them. Speaking and storytelling not least among them. Driving and navigating not least among them. All those psychic jedi abilities not least among them. Music and dance, not least among them. (Don't ask about my guitar, it's madder at me than most of my exes and I managed to take one with me on an entire adventure with no songs to share... even if I wrote plenty to the lakes and trees.)  Having visions and making them available, not least among them. How I make love, not least among them. 

I call myself an Idea Hoarder because I have a backlog of stories and visions that I never did anything with. Some of it is because I would tell people about them and nobody else seemed to like them. I love my ideas. And I loved them enough to remember so many of them. And I loved them enough to tell someone, though it was probably always the wrong someone. And I loved them enough to keep notes about them. And I loved making them up and living them in my imagination. And I loved inventing solutions to problems. 

Probably, I'm a Squashed Perfectionist who couldn't bear to see them done half-assed or in the wrong spirit. Some of these ideas have been good enough not to throw around, which is why I'm not even boasting about them here, neither. 

I can find lots of reasons not to do some of these. Don't get me going again about cults and how many different versions of a cult I've even come up with. 

Whether or not I've been able to make myself prove all these levels of things I've been training and learning over my life is besides the point. Proof must means you asked someone else's opinion of your thing, and they supported you. I have held onto myself without support so many times that I probably won't even know what to do if I get some. So I keep asking myself, "Isn't that just going to be fun to find out?"

I'd put "Divine Guidance" as one of those areas I've been following when it comes to who I share my ideas with. Surely if I was supposed to have someone receptive to share them with, that's who would have been sitting there to hear me? I really do think it works like that. Funny enough, I had someone express doubt in these miracle connections while talking about being the person on the helper side in the same example. It really does happen. So why hasn't it? 

Probably so that I'd feel wealthy with my hoard of business ideas, schemes to cause communities, or just saving them all for a rainy day in the nation. Blocked seems to be how I would also describe my relationship with the money I might have needed to make any of them work without all the help. Blocked from help and finances. Otherwise, the people I'd bump into on the subway would be scouts for some show or restauranteurs ready to invest. I really do come from a world where these kinds of things are just easy, even if you end up working your total ass off once you get the opportunity. 

Do I love my own abilities and ideas enough to put them out there in front of the right ones? Or am I waiting to find out what will happen if I don't? Is there really such a thing as timing? Or have I just been doubting myself that much all these years? 

The version where I have tried for help and haven't got it is almost as sad as the version where I've doubted myself too much to try. 

The Golden Voice -- I have it.

Some things only make sense when you take all the time out. 

Like connecting with your ancestors or other eras with different kinds of values on how a successful day is spent. 

I've remarked to friends that in other times, being someone who's a strong storyteller, someone with wisdom to share, a person who knows a lot, someone who can spend the day making medicine from whatever they find right around them, someone who lives between the worlds and sees like I do. 

This one reminds me of someone special, another savant whose mind is incredible, someone who's been thrown away by a world that needs more of his insights. In that other world, people like us would be seen for our gifts and treated with love and care. My vision that day was me and him sitting in a tipi-style house just talking these things and being important just for knowing things. Someone from the village brings us some veggie soup in earthen bowls and asks us if we need anything. and we go back to sharing. We aren't worried about paying bills, buying anything, other things that need doing, and definitely not our survival. He's probably never had a life where his hackles weren't up, but I hope our time together has given him an idea of what it might be like. I have seen him settled in my visions and know he has as much potential as I ever had. Even when I'm stressed, I tend to find that calm center when it comes to sharing it, no matter how hard it is to maintain around my own problems. 

And these Natural kinds find me. Or I find them. And they are everywhere, spending all their gifts on the challenge of survival as a reminder that we would throw gold in the garbage as a society. I'm definitely this kind of trash. I'd rather know that when it comes to basic recognition for being more than a human being is not enough to be valued in this world more than the bare minimum and even condemned for lack of mode or application. 

And I have given myself tons of hurdles to get held up on so I can learn this one. If I had maintained my bridges into academic exploration, or if I'd maintained a bridge to professional journalism, or if I had even kept up with some incredible friends, then I'd have never needed to go the direction I have. And if I hadn't imagined some of my molehills were even out to get me, then I might have felt good enough about my ideas to put my hand out when I offered all the good in me up for free. Free because of my Love. 

Like I wish the whole world could just be free because of my love. 

"I'll work for Myself or for Everyone or Not at All," I sang in a song I wrote to that moment. 

I've been meeting veterans since I was young. They must be drawn to me or me to them, so I have a few I talk to just about anytime. Being homeless brought me around so many more, that I had to wonder if these echoes have really just been a way for me to get accustomed to their particularly spicy personalities ahead of anything that might have inspired suspicion. They carry a kind of energy that makes me feel that my presence is like medicine and that my smile is sometimes enough for whatever the day has thrown their way. People who live in the moment so that they don't live in any memory or concern are some of the most elegant to me. For a civilian, I've heard a lot of combat accounts. Not always Pillow Talk, but sometimes, and sometimes I feel like I've even had a gift of intuitive words that helped a little for the moment. And moments like those have echoes, too. 

And the stories are woven around times and echoes have a flavor and a tone and sometimes come like signs of warning or explain the lesson through the process of revelation 

Like the way someone in my direct orbit right now is a recluse, and someone I am trying to meet is already doing all he can to sabotage a meeting. Who knows if these things are related, but I drew the line between the dots anyway. What a funny ole world it is. 

Direct contact is my every day. 

I feel my presence being important to the way a constellation on one side of the sky meets in the middle with another one on the other side of the sky. One of them feels just like my very favorite lover, but it might even be a chunk of my own heart I'll remember as a companion while it is and isn't like we have done it over and over and over again. 

Connecting with my gifts has been gradual, a series of levels for chipping away at all the obstacles while fighting to remember why, since there's definitely a force at work to make ya fight for it, going inside for some of us means we walk the whole labyrinth and find all the treasure and dead ends before it makes any sense just to go through the door we've been carrying in our pocket. It's like digging a tunnel into a mountain just so I can stand in the middle and look out at the light with plenty of pickaxe action and sometimes the dynamite. And progress is progress, and delving for me has brought out enough solid points of wisdom to make it impossible for me to not organize it somehow. I'm building my dream castles with all that. 

One time, I asked an AI image generator to show me a picture of me with my Higher Self. 

And I'm supposed to believe it good enough to make the sincerest effort possible to make you also believe that I'm so much more. Even though every time I come to tell someone I've got this special world I'm about, even with all the hours of connecting with others like me, even with calling it and calling it and calling it Home, I haven't been heard or believed, or supported, or loved for it. Speaking and asking, and knowing that if it was meant to be heard and received, loved and supported, that something as simple as having the sit-down with exactly the right one might be the most expedient answer to the whole thing. And falling in love with the idea that it could be anyone in the world, no matter who they are showing me they are today. 

Jesus also wasn't believed. If I have $1,000 for every time I heard that over the past year while I've been going on my journey, I'd be rich enough to get my van-plan on the road. 

Standing outside the Buddhist Temple in Raleigh and having the Dali Lama's photo gain that connection all the way across the globe. I knew already that I was part of some prophesy, enlightened, on the path for my whole life, a light, the light. I was distraught over knowing what to do with such as that and told him I didn't know what to do. There's nothing like being told "You'll know." But every step I take is one I know I'm gonna be glad about someday, and I couldn't follow any leader to be me in it. I have to do this the way I have to. 

Believing in being Right on Time is such a thing. What is meant for you cannot be blocked. What you're going to do can't be stopped, and when the right time is upon you, you'll know you're too far beyond turning back to even try to stop it. 

Can you tell I come from a place where people can't hear what I'm saying? If people can't hear you, stop talking to them. I've had people I'd be in the middle of sharing an earth-shattering revelation to just fall asleep. Not infected at all by the enthusiasm of how easy it was to get to some particular truth or another at fucking all. So they weren't meant to know it. They just went to sleep. Or sometimes, and this one is weirder, they look blank for a minute and change the subject to something as extremely unrelated as it can be, like butting heads with The Matrix just to have someone to tell. 

It's even my matrix. It's enough to make a girl feel like a genie in a bottle. 

I've had periods when I was carrying the thing and knew it was heavy, that all the nuance of the way it's evolved was the coolest thing you ever heard. And in the middle of that I've kneeled to the possibility of an audience, someone, anyone I might want to tell. 

And who would I want to tell? 

Who's going to take it for what it is and know what to do with me when I even don't. 

And I'm supposed to be guiding my own parts out of their inescapable shock events that shut them down without talking bad about the ones who gave me the shock in the first place. Speaking bad about my upbringing will happen, and I know that day will cause some rifts. So I'm gonna save it for the right time, but I also know the journey in releasing my voice is forever going to be soothing a little girl who got told to shut up too many times, whose complaints about mistreatment went on deaf ears, and who got beat for having a smart ass mouth in a place that was also supposed to be the sanctuary of home and safety.

When I was in my mid-20s and doing newspaper, my angel came into my mind and told me I have the Golden Voice, and so I just asked them what that is. They're so good at showing me a whole picture, that picking out the parts now would explode into a whole new discussion, downloads of revelation about having The Golden Voice. Use your imagination. 

And they told me it's special. And I asked them who else had that, and they told me Hitler had it. So, that's when I told them I don't want it until I can be sure I can't be used for the wrong message. I know I would rather die than get used for the wrong thing. I've committed myself to any eventuality with sharing a peacemaker's light of hope and promised I'd only ever use my powers for good. And then there are all the seductions out there, wealth, fame, political power, what it will mean to touch the whole world through ripples of whatever I make of my gift. And I had to know that being seduced into doing my dreams as a way just to elevate myself was not something I was ready to have. Being elevated... I wasn't ready.

How can you trust your sound if you haven't practiced?

I'm still struggling this one with singing and hope voice lessons and singing lessons are in front of me on the path. I have it. The Golden Voice. 

I've craved a partner for practicing speeches and know there's going to be someone. I just couldn't bare to sit that long in front of a mirror with all they layers of critique I've known. Reading people's thoughts and micro-expressions for a whole lifetime will show you who you are. They're also a mirror. Not saying I haven't been fairly adored and treated with reverence in as many of these interactions as one might wish, but letting someone love you when you have been smashed by disdain from people who are only envious of you or ignored so that they don't have to acknowledge you're special, and also not having the craving to attain their love and respect -- is such the spot. 

I need to practice with this Golden Voice. 

Try me. Push me. Find it in me. I know it's there and that it's even been through all the things. You should hear me when I'm feeling The Blues.

One day, when I was in Time Square, just walking past some shops on the side. I let out what I call my Rebel Yell, a long one that's really a big ole "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah" and from a deep breath that outlasts whatever time a yell oughta do. So full of spirit that you can't help but be happy. I love being a cheerleader for the world. It's not all bad, but it might need some punking up. Rebel because I'm not gonna agree to just get along with the wrong ideas, assuredly not because of anything stupid like southern culture and a war it lost and then never recovered from. 

Reconstruction wasn't even started. I think there has been a generational conspiracy to get things to where we are and that denying the south the depth of investment has been part of it. But that's really for another conversation.

When I dance the Free-Style and put my hand up, all the hands around me also go up. 

My daydreams sometimes get really creative with stencils or primitive printing, and I have a vision around communications, systems, and getting people together over commonalities that also don't cast them in the role of a victim. 

I don't want to be a victim of my own limitations, either. 

Crowds are icky, and getting around them is uncomfortable. There's a reason I've been introduced to the world just like I have. I sometimes point to the way people will leave right before I show up in places. Probably the most comfortable I've ever been around crowds had some live music element happening, friends around, music to stomp around to. 

And we've been conditioned against them as a society. Gatherings are under threat any time of sickness, bullets, or police action. Who wants the spotlight in this world? Who is brave enough to stand in it, and who is greedy enough to have it when they know their message falls short of the kind of love and unity that could be brought. If I'm not ready, I'm not ready. 

If I can't stop it, I'm ready. 

Can you imagine the responsibility of a Power like that? The Golden Voice. And even with all the examples out there of people using it properly. You can't tell the truth if you're not making people laugh. We're all so traumatized from being here as Earthlings that telling the truth about the hardest things in a straightforward way turns us all the way off. Like talking to people who can't hear you when you have sacred messages not meant for them. 

So you make them laugh, and they shake off the anxiety of knowing it's terrible -- hopefully that works. 

Since remembering things and memorizing stuff is hit or miss when it comes to singing the words right and knowing what part of the song comes next, I make up improv ditties to the moment as I strum one or two chords over some poignant revelation to the convergence in me. And I love it. I go out in the woods and play my music just for the spirits and myself, and I love it. 

I feel a little sad that I haven't been sharing myself with the world like I know I will. For me, there are spirit guides around for my spotlight times who are also sad that I didn't have more of an audience reaction for something incredible. Authentic to the core when there's nothing better to say about it. But being observed or unobserved and authenticity are so the pair to dance around and not with. I wanna get to that part of things where I am everything and really really don't care who is or isn't around. Even knowing my spirit guides are with me all the time and keep tabs on me for perpetuity doesn't make performing for whichever goober or snatcher is standing there when I'm an absolute goofball. 

What's more fun is that I can see all of y'all online, out there doing your total thing, encouraging ones just like me to break the ice and make a thing or share something I love. Cause that's what we are even meant to do. 

But with all the encouragement in the world I've held my dream and knew it was too special just to throw into that howling void of the internet. I'm Falling Up. I had to come here to write again. Something I'm so sensitive about that even saying this I fight the worry that I might regress or lose the sparkle I've got for it today, that something might happen to it and I'll have to slay a dragon to get it back. But if I wasn't a dragon slayer would you even want me to have it like that?

What are these State Lines for?

What are these State Lines for? Asked a girl from a town who has one running up the middle. 

Texas or Arkansas? 

I'm from Texarkana. I mean, it has three State Names but missed the mark for Louisiana by about 20 miles or so. But who would wanna put a traintrack through Texark? ArkTex?

I'm having a bad time with the division that's everywhere these days, and tolerating it like it's up to anyone to prescribe division like poison when you're telling them it's medicine. Somewhere in there, the healing will happen because someone thinks it's medicine. 

The state lines are really so much like feudal territories. Getting around in the south without a car is so dismal I couldn't come up with anything clever to say about it. But I have been content with my options while I do the survey because I got no place to go. 

I've been cornered a lot on my journey. When you get stuck out on the cliff, you just watch the birds and bugs and map the curve of the stream again and again until you could go there in your sleep. And usually there's all the truths staring right in your face, like a world reflecting, some grapple of poetry expressing itself about something else entirely. Any kind of scene has it. 

Paradigm Pilgrims do find each other there at times, and I call these ones all kinds of things and try not to tell them what they are. They're my Spirit Family and even take pity on me being here or like to come by to push my feelings around some other way. In the kind of conversation I'm having with all the rest of this, especially at times when I feel like I'm the whole thing. All the little games we play to have fun, portals between trees, magic in things, wishing, and laughing, and missing the words to the song and being Her. 

I worry that I'm too out of touch with my go-getter side to mess with business matters. I really have a hard time applying myself these ways and pushing through, even if it wouldn't be any harder than being more strategic about where I go for help about it. I know there are people looking for Chosen Ones and people who have gone through the kind of awakening I'm going to try and explain. 

Can you Teach It? Asked a guy who looked like Jesus from the picture and felt like the sunshine was shining in my heart. 

"Yes!" I am either regular cocky or extra confident. 

So, one way or another, I'm gonna fish the best bits of it out of my memories in case it has some meaning to someone or maybe take y'all around for some we can do together. I love when tarot readers for the collective say things like, "I don't care if this only helps one person." 

I have been keeping so many things to myself by not reaching for attention. I have been Divinely Inspired for years and years. Campaigns. Political and Spiritual designs, and my own punk way of dissolving the lines around things. And even knowing my ideas could be important, I didn't want to get in the game. 

If I had gone into business, then I'd be Business Terri, and I wouldn't be a Gonzo Shaman. I'm sure Business Terri timeline will be a cool revelation. Whole lives play in a scene sometimes, and I connect with parts of myself by asking for things like this. Like I can write a check to myself to receive an upgrade in the Business Terri Department and get on my bullshit with Business Terri Style.

Really, I can remember letting that side of myself take it's unhealthy habits and ridiculously destructive coping mechanisms to hell. But probably she would have been in hell by trying to fit into a world like that in the first place, so I probably did her a favor. 

I stood at that crossroads when I was 26, living in a run down trailer at the other end of the property from where I grew up as a kid, looking back like a professional at handling memories and a poet to the moment, where I'd started. I had been a news reporter for such a brief time, just two years or something, and I'd put myself on the grim side of finding out about life by covering emergency beat as much as possible for the Texarkana Gazette. Between general assignments, MahaKali came and sat with me a lot. I was feeling the HooDoo juice around this region, its racism, and got a funny feeling anytime I passed through a crossroads. And they told me I was standing in a crossroads in a direct way, in a kind of way I could know which ways for sure that I was being pulled. I was at a T. Spiritual World or Worldly World. 

Can you believe I asked for the Worldly World option? I took a little break with a man in Marshall, Texas, and found my way into another conformity experiment at the Marshall News Messenger. I got married and divorced. I played at being Woman on Top of The World for a minute and lived in the world just long enough to realize I didn't want to. I mean, being right up in the middle of current events on a local level and then watching them play out at state and national levels has been the trippyest thing yet. 

When I left on this Holy Shamanic Walkabout, I had a feeling and was closer with these ideas of what and why. And there have been times I suspected that something I was acting out was supposed to be as if done by someone who is sleeping, like I wasn't supposed to know the little choices I was showing on the 3D were going into the wider world in any way. But now when I act like I'm not looking, I can see a lot more of these out of the corner of my eye. Or sometimes I give it a shiteating grin and stare it down tiil we both laugh.   

I imagine either direction would be taking me in exactly the same direction. I feel like that happened with a lot of my energetic parts... A stream that was too big for one lady went around the mountain and met her again on the other side. The ocean speaks to the raindrop before it ever hits the stream in me. And all the little celebrations of getting together are my joy. 

My sweet and greet crew online can feel these words and haven't even been shown anything. If you want to -- Believe It. 

It hasn't always been this easy. Some people have been waiting a long damn time to find out what kind of crap I would put in a blog, and I know y'all are gonna love all of this. I love you, too! 

My feelings have been a huge mission, and having compassion for your own heart for all its feelings like a part of you that is sometimes all of you. Getting over your Whole Self anytime you strike out on a Treasure Hunt is like being a brave warrior looking for a Dragon a day. Some of the phases of my journey have really had that kind of impact on me growing my Jedi Abilities and progressing as an enlightened being. And, I know I haven't been the only one to approach it like a thing you have to do in Secret, a Hermit by preference, challenged and embattled over Self Love and Self Belief, Self Assurance, and Self Defense. Each one needs its own key, and each one needs special tools to break it apart and fix it again. 

Break it to Fix It. 

I was looking at America and thinking that whether or not I could find faith in a benevolent guidance taking charge of the whole thing. Could there be a Highest Good version of our land that calls for all this division? Could there be some way the efforts to Break It might be so you can Fix It in the end. And the forest was there, and I said, Break It to Fix it. And even meant it to be a good thing. 

Could this still be the Highest Timeline if there is a Holocaust in it? Could we understand what we're trying not to be, if there hadn't been? I'd never want these kinds of things to go on in my world, but I've seen Southern Poverty Law Center's website and can't go back to Whatevering hate like it's an acceptible option. Some tools are too brutal. But this world would even have you thinking a whisper of truth against it might make all the cards in the castle collapse. But waiting for the collapse is just about as exciting as not singing along with your favorite song. 

Nobody has time to go back to college with so many teachers around them all the time. I like how I can tell who is really on my side by who remembers I have Divine Guidance and who thinks I should formalize my credentials in being whatever I already am. But it's not like I have been keeping a body of published work about all these miracles, and some of them would make a Synchronicity look like child's play.

And I'm developing these things steadily as a practice. Going with the flow, knowing when it's my guides and teachers, knowing when it's my Spiritual Opposition, when I'm meant to wait and wallow or observe with analysis, being ready to create something that tells me a story, or prepared for spontaneity at the whims of whatever I'm walking into. Finding the signs and putting them together in a bag to set the next stage, and knowing how much of it I have charge over to keep the ship steering away from icebergs and into beautiful, exciting times on the mainland. 

Who needs all these State Lines? Even the line separating this world from the others. I'm ready for my Spaceship anytime guys. Can we do teleportation next? I'm feeling juicy.   

When I conceived the Terri Contrary Governor 2040 Campaign, I posted it first as my Tinder Profile and asked for Campaign Managers and had it listed around as my 20-year campaign, "Because it takes a poor lady longer to get there." And I even had a few candidates for that Campaign Manager position. Sometimes Camping and Campaign get the Word Game treatment and I love it. I was running on the Romanticratic Party Platform I made up so I could get critical about things that don't work or make sense and had a slogan of "Laws that are Good for My Honeys" and meant it as a way to say I love the working class people and realize that things are not setup for them to be Happy and Healthy, and Free. The not free part gets me sometimes the most, especially since I'm still trying to figure out how it works for myself, and I don't even have the luxury of money yet as I have been journeying. 

I went Camping with a Bear. Who knows what kind of Excitement that is going to bring into my path, since has been so fun to bring-up already. It's not like we cuddled and I'm Snow White or anything, but he was grumpy that I stayed up too late, and I'm pretty sure there's a guy in my future who is going to feel that way and Huff at me like that bear did. It thrills my total heart to think so. 

My lover who comes to me as all these different ones, a Shiva, many-faced and around any corner, he shares secrets with me sometimes in a direct conversation to keep me hooked on an idea I'll love for later. Will I really be able to just make the money show up *for real* like if I'd reached through to the other world and brought it back with my hand? I have a feeling it's already mine in that realm and all this asking for it is gonna make something like a flood happen. Ooops. 

Honey... if you're reading this, I want you to know that I'd glue myself to you without hesitation and that I love being just awkward enough to get away with it, naughty like a bad kitty and just as undeniable as the next ear scritches. We'll be purring anytime now. I hear ya Honey. I want that Money. 

But what will I be trading for it? What is the sacrifice this time?

I was given to understand that as I continue this direction, that my vision will change. I already see energy with my eyes closed, and so I have to wonder if I'll go blind for this one. But whatever the plan is, I'm showing up for it. 

I mean, I'd even give time for it. And work, and protocols, and effort, and concentration, and all those things I know bringing Business Terri back to life will mean. Haven't we knuckled down enough times to still be friends? We go into every battle together and love it. 

Too Punk to Ask Permission

 If I wanna help and heal people and be myself and doing things that feel right or especially are spiritually guided, then I'm gonna. I don't want permission. 

I want to do all these in spite of a world that wants everyone to have accreditation, for them to pass along their discernment to some council that decides if they are qualified to be doing a thing. And it's not like it works. I don't even have to point a finger. You're thinking it. Unqualified people are making the world a shithole of a place and they even got permission to do it. 

I makes sense to me that I can do pretty much whatever I want, as long as I'm not hurting anybody, and get away with it. So, why do people think I'm gonna wanna license to practice shamanism when shamanism is the kind of thing you really get trained through a life well-lived and training with spirit guides, anyway. You think I need a piece of paper to know that I'm Super Blessed and that I earned it through long hours of deep contemplation and knowing my own self. 

It's not that you can see your whole self, anytime, and if you can't even see your whole self, imagine how much of the world you don't know and can't see anytime. I've been kicking my own self in the butt today about my child side and parent side and how I probably ended up at my parents' house to rein in my inner wicked teenager, and obviously to process feelings of anger, captivity, isolation, suspicion on all sides, being observed, criticized, belittled, in fear for physical safety, guilt over needing to eat, rebelliousness, lack of security, as a burden, disbelieved, like I'm antagonizing them just by being in the house. I can't say where all these feelings come from at this time because I have told my mom that I wouldn't talk about her, and it would be unsafe for me to call anyone out while I'm in this house. 

When I was tired of being homeless in Shreveport. I was especially guided on a day to write one blog post to https://shreveporthomeless.blogspot.com and by the end of the week I was on my way back here to my parents, all the energy ringing signs that I was somehow right on time again, and I needed the woods and time off my feet. I've been having trouble in my feet and feel like there's a calibration operation going on about them, my roots, my chakras in my feet, knowing when to fast from food to heal, and being just a little too far from my doctor to get anything done about it. It's a mystery, but I'm not going to give up on the idea that there's something mystical happening. If nothing else, I needed to be grounded and as long as I had my feet feeling fine I could tell myself that if things got too hairy I could Just Walk Away. It's a little harder to imagine just walking away when your feet are messed up, maybe bone spurs since it hurts in my heels and sometimes get swollen or enflamed. 

Bring on the Calibrations! 

Calibrations is a Team effort with guides and guardians to set perception of higher mind and communications. Like if you have tinnitus and tell them you recognize there is a message happening and then honor whatever vision or knowing you have and ask them to back off on the loudness in the tinnitus and then find it's relaxed somewhat. Tinnitus Sucks. It just does. But once you realize you can hear a singing up sound, like a radio frequency that changes or alerts you to some message coming in, then  you are working with your team for calibrations. Your body and the brain in it is the receiver. 

Just like when I was a Fucking Teenager and learning my own Spirit of Rebellion. It's not safe to have my own feelings, and I'm also here to reaffirm that I'm not asking permission to have them. In the scheme of my life, I've been asking to face my shadow, to process and heal, since I was a teenager. Teen-Theme Day! And maybe another day I'll feel more like explaining the levels of doing that, but I'm going to skip to now and this returning to their sphere after all my additional levels of mastery has shown me another lifetime full of shit I'm gonna have to keep processing down the line. 

OK, back to the topic... 

Sure, I'd have benefitted a lot from more "formal" education, but I wouldn't have been free to explore the way I have as a self-student and Divinely Guided, even if everyone's curiosity is guided and most folks just don't know it. 

Spirits Gangstalking is a thing Chosen Ones report?

Getting gang stalked by spirits keeps being a theme on my mind today, but I'm not really sure how much of it I'm really in the mood to talk about. Spirits showing up as people would seem like such a usual thing at this point, but having them really in an apparent and consistent attendance to things as watchers, ancestors, sometimes just fans, occasionally for education, usually as background people or standing-in for some kind of role in the scene. Remembering or not remembering the last time I sensed/saw/felt that one in particular or wishing I could, seeing their energy-ring in as a face that looks familiar or a role of warning me to something -- there's been some incredible episodes where I knew that I was part of something bigger with a team that could definitely reach me on the ground, where I had to learn to trust them and see that whatever is going on, it's for me and in my favor. 

People think of ancestors as only the ones who came before. Look around. They're here. They are everyone you see. Nobody is here for the first time, and you are addressing elders or being addressed as an elder, no matter when you were born. That we've been tricked out of this is a terrible thing. We are knowing and loving our great-great-great-grandchildren and don't even have the balls to explain to them why we've wrecked the world they are to inherit. Think about that. 

Something definitely happened to me after I made it permanent through surgery that I wasn't going to be a breeder. I can say all I want about getting pregnant with ideas in another blog post, but revelations of generations being among us and knowing that no matter how many lives I touch with my words, idea, love, and support -- that I'll never be a mom, these are deep things too. Did I sacrifice my chance at motherhood for something greater? Did I send my womb on to the unseen realms ahead of myself for a reason? 

For a long time, especially around technology and paranoia, mine or anybody else's, I'd just say, "They know right where we are all the time." And I meant it. If they want me, they know right where I am anytime, and where it might have bothered me at one time, I'm glad of it now. Wanna see something? Watch this!

Spirit: How big are your balls Terri?

Me: So big you're going to have to back up to see the other one.

And then there was the "lover" who impressed me about stalking and stalkers, about being watched and seen and that was sometime around the gangstalking events and feeling all the eyes on me. And then there was feeling the eyes on me all the time, and then there was the sense of being seen, not by a deity as one might feel watched by a god who judges, but by a friend who was keeping an eye on me because I was a problem child going through the Super Strange of the Weird-Weird. I even felt like I had friends around to watch me poop. Not just, Not Separate, but Not Separate 24-7 and in the sanctuary of my thoughts as much as any possible place else. I felt like there were cameras watching me, the same is if you're being watched from across the room and feel it before you look up for proof. 

During an important ritual, my life flashed before my eyes, and I could see through, at least one timeline's effort of organized design had me as a lifelong project to make me just like I was. And I could see these energies playing all the parts of my life, making me and not really giving me too many chances to fuck the whole thing up, but also plenty of chances to learn the fucked up lessons and learn some scary, nasty, unhealthy lessons about mine and humanity's shadow. And they had been there for the whole thing whether I had known it at the time or only remember such a thing is ongoing when it suits me. 

I don't really go all the way back to sleep anymore like I might have. Sometimes worldly concerns and pressures get me back into some kind of frame where I'm like, "Ugh, money is dumb and now I need some again." This is definitely one I'm gonna be glad to outgrow again, anytime soon. 

My relationship on money is gonna have to have its own entry, but I feel like money is gonna flow to me like words flow out of me and that these two things being super-related is exactly how it's supposed to go. Right on time. There were so many times this year that I couldn't have been where I was, who I was, shown things as I was, if I had had money or resources. Some of my friends not being inclined to show me lover showed me how many times I had asked for support and not received it. Learning to lean on others in ways I never had before, for things I'd never realized were missing before, and after knowing what I might have done as just myself if the tables were turned somehow, has been pretty important. 

How do people treat you when there's nothing you can do for them?

The spirits asked me this over and over when I was in New York City and became homeless for the first time. Not until after they showed me that anytime a serial killer was there he would look like Charles Manson, but hey... there's too many important things to be aware of to be worried you're hanging out with The Matrix version of a Serial Killer. Also, I don't hate Charlie Manson, especially since we chilled out in a dream I had and he introduced me to Mr. Meeshaks who sometimes helps me, whether I know it's him or not, and we enjoyed a relaxed time just like some calm associates talking about philosophy or something. Anybody can be a spirit guide. If I had to guess, I'd say this one had been coming to see me since middle school.

If I were to start a list of entities and energies that I'd met or sensed, then it would seem like I'm just listing all the top names in any industry and that they had stuck with me from some media source or other, impressed me in some way so that I would want to claim them as a spirit guide and friend from the beyond. So I'm not going to name drop as much as all that. When you have the god particle settle on you and give you superpowers to remember from the position of source, you'll remember being all kinds of lifetimes that people have heard of before from their journeys, some mythical, some that would get ya locked in the looney-bin and medicated til you forget. 

Who would ever wanna claim Jesus as a past life? Especially him. But in the land I'm from,, as the prominent spirit, as someone who shows up in the flesh as my friend and helps me through tough times or even sometimes comes to rescue me, Jesus is a big part of my journey. Who wouldn't want to know him as a dude who shows up with cold water on a hot day? Who wouldn't want to know him as the friend who meets you at the bus stop so you'll know today is a good day to go to the shelter because there's an empty bed. 

Mohammed too. I love Mohammed. He reminded me of someone I'm crushing on and looked like a smaller but definitely still muscular Dwayne The Rock Johnson. I might even wish to see him again and then get to see him again like when we met and then met again. 

I'd never had a Quoran before. I wrote some of  my Mohammed adventure in another blog post. I can revisit this topic anytime. I'm sure I will even more when I get really past the idea that I could be breaking my crush's heart by talking about him like a creepy stalker. 

Stalking Theme!!

s 

I stalk energy. I don't always know why I have to go and drive back past places where things had happened, or where the center of the circle I just drove around a neighborhood might be. I don't always know why I go around and around. 

When I was in Longisland New York, I needed to organize my car pretty bad and had been looking for a spot and miraculously, since lots of miracles happened for me in New York and this was just another one of those. Miraculously, I sneaked on down into the Sunken Valley Park and reset my car. I had time. The patrols were frequent, and the police even came and checked the shed not far from me, but I had pulled off the path and emptied my car to reset the items inside, organize it and be on my way again. Around that time the spirits were guiding me to think thoughts like, "I glow in the dark" and had told me we were looking for Nukes. I'm pretty sure there were nukes. I don't have to see the miracles to believe in them, and there have been plenty of times I'm playing in an energetic simulation that is telling us a story from another timeline or dimension. So, I play along and even think we found nukes in New York. But then later, a few months later, I had been having an idea that I was going to find a lady's house full of her treasures, memories, and life, and ended up in Hauppauge with Brandon. Brandon is special, and if I can ever repay him, I think there's a chance I owe him more than the gratitude and apologies I have already offered. Even if he was being a total asshole and deserved it. 

His granny's house was great energy, full of Zen Buddha statues, and after I'd made Bathtub Soup in North Carolina, it even had a bathtub in the living room full of random objects. The signs were all there. Plus, the house was only about 3 miles from where I had sorted out my car. Also, I had had some time when I was in New York City when I was calling myself Honey, which was his granny's name. Also, there had been the Local Honey Band in Raleigh. So? So when I got there, I felt like I was following the signs. Also, Brandon, the night I met him was wearing a serrap covered in elephants, which was like the greeting card I found right outside the shelter with 3 elephants of various sizes, he was carrying a bunch of crap he didn't need in a blue Walmart bag, and I had a blue backpack. He was also wearing a black, cross-body bag that was just like mine. Our energy was alike. I could see it all over him. He picked me up like a human trafficker might from the Port Authority Bus Terminal, just like happens in someone's nightmares. Energy stalking and stalking themes. 

Sometimes being a shaman is giving people the karma they deserve and being a thing without a plan, but then doing whatever was needed when ya get there anyway. Brandon is a name that themes across my life, so maybe someday that will even make sense. 

Is it gangstalking, or is it realmshifting? 

There have been times when every person I encountered was having "something funny about them" and recognition in every face that I looked into. 

Realmshifting is such a fun but unnerving thing that if you're sleep walking at all, then you might not even notice you've done it. And I wonder how many times I was asleep at the wheel and doing something by routine and just missed all the energy playing around me. Eyes glitter. There's a kind of presence between you and others that wasn't there before, a sense that you know each other but you've never met. People who are in the scene are there for you, to tell you something you needed to hear, whether they know it's fitting together with something you're working out or not. 

Studies I'd be interested in if I went back Now

Philosophy

Mycology 

Botany

Art

Literature

Theater

Architecture

Psychology (though I wanna get to it through philosophy)

Why don't I just call them "God"?

 I don't just call the realm of spirit and all the direct connections we have with it as "God" because there are definitely different personalities in there. 

You wouldn't just want a Rainbow or a pallet of paints to have all of its nuances called "color" just because it is one. 

When I do call something God, it's so that people who are unlikely to understand it any other way can conceive of the vastness of what I am discussing. One of the first things I learned about Shamanism in a book was that to help people as a shaman you have to meet them where they are. But lots of people are blinded by beliefs they are told in a book but never bother to check the reality of any other way. They'd rather repeat the beliefs over and over than ever delve into the sort of inspiration that writes the book in the first place. 

One of the reasons I prefer to call myself a Shaman is because of all the Divide and Conquer elements around religions. They fight about anything. They make up reasons not to be together about things. Even people believing in the same messiahs don't like the same holy books about it and shun the ones who choose different. Even the people who like the same holy books, make their interpretation and use the book itself to hold separate meetings and then to shun the others. 

Even the God of the Bible is described sparcely and not as just one kind of thing. The scriptures are cherry-picked and brought out of the various chapters written by various authors over various time periods. The lack of coherence there is probably for some special reason, but I don't subscribe to any one-book club of believing and definitely won't be putting one book over another in importance. I love the whole world and think some of the right things have made it into the hearts and minds of people from all around it. But plenty of them would be more than happy to kill someone who has my kind of love if they didn't get it out of their holy book. 

Another reason to choose Shamanism for me was that I'm looking at things from beyond duality. Duality is a good place to go when you want things to be extra simple for stupid people, but I only go there energetically when I'm working things out. The Yin-Yang symbol is an elegance of showing us how the dance goes on between differences, a bit of each one in the other, an organized gathering of forces together and how futile separating them really is when they're inside each other and made to fit together. 

My favorite reason to call what I do as shamanism is because tribal peoples from across time have been practicing some forms of it, bits of it have even made its way into religions, and being from America -- calling myself a shaman is the quickest way I know to return the importance of spiritual guidance by Native Peoples to their leaders and visionaries is a part of "The Plan" -- Whose plan? The Divine Plan. This is their land and woven over with their prayers to this day, and from my heart to their ancestors, I hope with all I have that we can have their kind of wisdom when we need it the most... like now, while our world is doing the dance of being very divided. 

I also don't believe in a Heaven & Hell option after death. I believe in Reincarnation, Concurrent Lifetimes, and intermittent incarnation. The intermittent incarnation inclusion here is to share my understanding that we are not forced to come, that we choose to be here, that we sometimes take breaks as a spirit and don't have corporeal forms or need them. Our Higher Selves might even still be learning things, or they might be all-knowing and still need us to Understand for ourselves. 

If people understood the reason they were here was to Learn Life Lessons, then why would they want to ask some other being like Jesus to forgive things they couldn't forgive? Why would they want him to pay some price for them to get to be wicked? Wouldn't they want to learn from their mistakes, the mistakes of others, and find out on their own that they were Born Forgiven because Love is all there is? Christianity uses the symbol of martyrdom to scare us away from saying we are connected with Source or make claims that we are the same voice as it has. Catholicism even shows us how it looks to get martyred with it and keeps him hung up there. There are some who call it a Death Cult, and have plenty of reasons why that makes sense. 

Embrace your Death. It has already happened.

When I'm at the level of an architect or Archangel, I understand that we call them Archangels because they Edit the Story Archs and can look down into the Fractal Whorl of the universe and see the little threads going around and around. And some of these threads are brighter or darker or marked by purpose and they can see us that way, like a thread of light in a swirl of magic. It only looks like it's swirling because time had played there, and it only has a visual expression so that I can understand it like that. Without time and space, it's already been decided, finished, and is good. 

It being a Simulation is part of this. All the potentials are all in there. 

OK, except for some of those special times when I can tell that I'm doing something that might be on the schedule but is really like choosing my adventure as I go. Yeah, sometimes things are not written in stone and get to happen on the moment. Sometimes I get a lot of moments like this, so I treat small choices in my daily life like they might be one, and when there are watchers and spirits attending a thing around me I'm less nervous about making a mistake. I love my mistakes. Some things are fate. 

If you intend to learn from your own deeds or be taught something on a divine schedule as a soul, you'll have whatever lesson it is in whatever kind of living you are doing at that phase. You'll have whatever you need to get the lesson, and if that includes a long stay in a place where you can understand suffering better than you understand pleasure or comfort. Then that's what you'll have for that.  

I was asked by the angels what to do with Churches and I was mad and told them to turn all of them into field hospitals for a while, but then to remake religion to include an equality between the genders, Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine working together as Lord & Lady, Goddess & God, good examples of all the genders and lacks thereof, stories that make sense to the people like they must have in other ages when we were more in touch with our humanness as an element of the nature of nature. I want churches to be community meeting spaces again, but don't forget to bring your goodies up there and have your farmers markets on the lawn. Preach from the pulpit about the miracles of nature, Mother Nature, and share in classes about plants that show up in your area. 

Earth Mother showed me that she would be creating new plants, fungus, and a new canopy of giant trees. It was a vision of another world that was going to be overgrowing to this one. I'm inclined to love the idea of it and hope she goes on to show us all what she was showing me. 

But she is sad about how we humans just trample and destroy everything. We should learn to walk gently on this earth out of respect for the itty bitty things that are down there on the floor of her design. It's not "the ground" like a place we don't want to be special. 

She wanted to know that if she is making special things that are new and never before seen, small wonders of life, things that we can't know until she inspires them -- She wanted to know that we would have a sacred understanding to these plant, animals, and bugs especially, that we would not go bumbling around like unaware ogres to smash them before they had ever been discovered. How could I possibly argue with that. 

If we had been preaching in church a real love for Mother Earth, the planet, our environments, the miracles of life happening all around us, to love the bounty of what there is and concentrated less on how we could rule over or manage such things, then probably we wouldn't have all the pollution, destruction, and loss of life we have been seeing over the period of expansion. 

And why does it matter that it's a Mother and not just a Father? Because mothers are given more license to be gentle and nurture and patient. Our misuse of men in the world had led lots of fathers to set the kind of example we've taken like a punishment and then used it to turn around and punish the planet. Not saying women can't be brutal, but when she is the energy in the thing and denied as a creator all around us, when she is suppressed as an idea, when she is left out of holy scripture, not shared or talked about, it's easier for us to deny that we are damaging her. Even if people thought they were hurting God and his kingdom for greedy reasons, they don't feel like they are because they're not doing it to him. They're doing it to Her. 

One time I was having a long talk with my guides about Human Recipe after they had asked me to consider Human Design again, and I was thinking about all the recipes of humans out there. It's another reason I like dating apps and looking at the pictures and reading the bits people want to share or think might attract someone. It's a bunch of recipe of human traits. 

They told me I'm "Her Recipe" and I could really feel that since I'd been talking in tongues, singing with a perfect voice, dancing the weave, having the other dimension more than this one, remembering a whole bunch of past lives, sensing how the energy rings. I'm Her Recipe. 

I'm not going to make many comments over climate change. The Earth is doing something. Humans fucked it up, but now the Earth is a player on the board and has things to add to the equation. For a while last year, I was prophesying a Four Year Winter and telling people survival shit like, "Salt is more important than we think just because we're used to eating it on a French Fry" and "Pine will survive in the cold and there is vitamin C in pine needles for the scurvy." So, whether I was practicing to be a prophet of doom and dark times, or if these basics are really gonna be needed is yet to be seen. My journey has had a lot of training levels and some of those are "acting as if" and showing faith to my guides during a Fire Drill or Dress Rehearsal. But we could find out I was right anytime.

Did you know the reason the Earth is in its exact relation to the Sun is because they love all us wee beasties and bullshit flippty-floops? They are also in love. The Sun and Earth are in a "romantic" relationship and get very excited about getting to live so close together and to share such a cool crop of weirdies that they even make sure we have what we need to be here to play around. I felt like I was eavesdropping on them because the feeling of their romance and how they want to be just right, at the right distance, at the right temperature, at the right combination for life to thrive. It was incredibly beautiful, especially since I knew they knew I knew, and do.  

What makes a spirit stay with its spot on the Earth and not fly off into outer space? What makes certain things gather in spots or bizarre become more attracted as if by irony? I call it Spiritual Gravity. I've been keeping my eye on Spiritual Gravity as a kind of Nature of Nature for a while. It might also be called Spiritual Magnetism, and sometimes Like Attracts Like makes sense. And sometimes nothing makes sense. I love it. 

Why the Paradigm Paradise?

 Well, I was plunged in the midst of an obvious kind of gang stalking, people and energy had changed. I wasn't sure who all I was dealing with. Aliens, gods, spirits of people I love to read, folks from TV, Elves and Mooneyed People, even. Auras without physical forms. Even with all the imagination I had shared with my Higher Self to that point, I had no idea. 

And sometimes that's the best way to look at it. 

I'm gonna wish a lot while I'm doing this that I had a richer background in philosophy and spiritual practices from around the world. But even having the most refined ability to share over it, the thing will change its face again as soon as you think you have it figured out. And if you really love it and it's creative majesty, then you really wouldn't want it to be any different. Especially when things are coming together and showing you exactly what you need to know or providing the tool you exactly need, or measuring up to be perfect on all sides. It was keeping me guessing for a reason. 

And I love that. 

So, I was struggling a lot. I have struggled about sharing over these experiences, denied online encouragement from channelers and readers and held all this in. And some of it was so I'd have a better sense of things I think I could even add to the conversation. 

The Higher Dimensions are like the lower dimensions but closer together, and tighter, the ideas and consciousness are sometimes without separation. The idea we have of being separate here, of not being an element of the room we're in like the things or others in the room are in the room. The feeling we have of our mind and thoughts as being contained in our head as if they weren't playing out around us all the time. Some of this gets totally dissolved, and something you wish for in passing might be your clue as to what's coming around the corner, a foretelling you didn't know you were telling yourself. Knowing is different. 

So, along in my journey, I had been driving around a lot because it was a good private place to talk outloud with my guides and to catch the brainwave changes I liked when I was writing notes. Yep! A lot of the  notes I kept for ideas and projects came from when I'd be driving around or in my bathtub, and now I'm gonna figure out how to go from intentional meditations straight to the keyboard. Somehow I have a feeling that as soon as I can figure out how to have a routine about writing and meditating that I'll be able to change scenes. I'm beyond ready for a change of scenery and even love that I don't have any idea what kind of change that might be. Come pick me up World!

Yeah! Come pick me up World!!

The song Paradise City came on a lot for a while. I wonder if the AI-DJ was implying something, but definitely I was having it for my earworm and it stuck with me. I was retelling my own story back to myself a lot in those days and driving up and down 1010 Road in North Carolina. How many times did it take me to manifest things on that road before I put two tens together to have Pair of Dimes? Paradigms. I want to live in Paradise and know I deserve a kind of Paradise to live in, so the Paradise part just fills the rest in. 

Manifesting by Road Name Paradigm

Yeah, the road names and numbers and places all have a kind of energy that makes it special. My favorite intersection was 1010 Road and Highway 42, since 42 is the Answer to Life the Universe and Everything and also the * or a fill-in-the-blank kind of answer to things. And so the Anything Everything Paradigm is my stomping ground. I love these games to play and figure any kind of thing that I can put together as a possible reality or play on reality can get on in there. It's such an open sandbox to jive around in that I need the Paradigm Paradise to escape to and from it. 

Cause when it's all too much. Too, too much. Too, too, too fucking much. It can go live in the Paradigm Paradise, so I can take a break. 

I'm probably handling some of that wrong, but sitting still is a harder sport than it looks.  

I chuck that shit in the Paradigm Paradise and get back to eating beans and painting my toe nails. I'm all these big ole weird ideas smushed off in a woman who's body needs attending. I'm not the best at taking care of myself since I left my marriage and home. But I'm kinda proud of myself for surviving and doing it with care and some style, even. When the mental shit is too fucking much, I put it in the Paradigm Paradise to come back to when I can handle it again and get myself centered and present on the earth as a human, as a woman, as an animal, as a higher self guiding my inner child, as someone who needs comfort and compassion. I love myself. I love Terri. Terri is a kick ass chick whose stories rock my socks and make me wanna wake up with curiosity and enthusiasm every day. Slowly, some days, like a middle-ager with too many things to be concerned about, but alive to find out what might be coming my way. 

One time when it was too much, I was driving along and prayed to Archangel Michael and told him so. I told him it was all too much and that the intensity was a lot at the time. So, I'm in flow a lot around that time and just went home after shopping like on a normal day. I was sitting around in my room a lot, but today I decided to go and see my friend Alan, who just happened to be hosting a campfire at his house that evening. And I get there and he's cool and we're catching up and getting to know each other and there was all the usual awkwardness, but then this guy shows up. He says his name is Michael. "I go by something else on Facebook, but I'm Michael." He stuck around and played with the flow toys and we all had a fun time and played around. And to my memory he was an exceptionally Beautiful Man, really funny and personable, very cool even. So about the time he was goin got leave, I asked him one more time, "Could you say your name for me again?" as I sometimes do with people I've just met and don't want to forget. "Michael!" he said, so that I couldn't make any mistakes about who he was and what we were doing there. 

I was overwhelmed by training with all my levels, and My Super Best Friend came to make me feel better about it just because I'd prayed for him to be there. 

He's been there for me so many times that I'd be having a long day even trying to think of how many of them might have been him. I've not intended to be a damsel in distress that many times, but he's definitely come along to make troubled times easier enough. Robert Gilbert says this is Archangel Micahel's epoch, something shared among Rosicrucians, and I wonder why it is that I have so many Archangel Michael affirmations in my life. I'm preparing, and he's my right hand. My Right Hand, which seems silly until I'm channeling a goddess of justice, creation and destruction, like MahaKali, Athena, or Isis. When I'm feeling these aspects strongly in the presence of things I might sense in duality like good and bad and be weaving harmony and forgiveness into any kind of thing. Regular times, having Archangel Michael as a Super Best Friend might seem like a lady the size of a tiny ant sitting on the knee of a mountain. But when I'm in flow to considering energies around me as a judge or to impress forgiveness over huge world things, I'm glad I can see him as being someone I can just kinda know like a dude at the bonfire.

Playing this Game of Paradigms is such an exciting element of enjoying the energies of this life and even to reading the scenes as an observer, choosing brand names carefully, finding words or objects just in front of me to take as a sign. Giving more attention to the present moment just to find that it's got something neatly tucked into the background, but watching it get closer and closer as events also come in time. I'm not just hyper aware. I'm also able to receive the lessons and world this way and not feel like I'm crazy. If I am crazy, It's a very organized kind of crazy. 

Or then, Too Much Order is a Disorder, and I'm fighting fascism with chaos and doing the next total weird I get pointed at and make my own way again. 

It makes a kind of sense from where I'm sitting anyway.